Wednesday, September 15, 2010

i'm a sprinter

my brain is trying to wrap itself around the freelance work i have to tackle.

the thoughts are swirling creating a funnel and in the process extraneous ideas are getting flung to the four corners like an F4 tornado (i looked it up--that's a devastating tornado w/ winds up to 207-260 mph) i think the wicked witch of the west just got tossed under a house.

i told you i've been reconnecting w/ a friend from high school right? it's great. brings back so many memories and it's fun to hear about what she's been doing for the last 20+ years. she has kept in touch w/ our art teacher from high school and for some reason the thought of that has led my brain on a rather circuitous path that has brought me to the conclusion that in the friendship realm i am a sprinter, not a long distance runner.

i think for a few years i am a TERRIFIC friend. i am a good listener. i am empathetic. sometimes funny, i can make you laugh. i can be thoughtful and attentive and offer you help when you need it. however, i don't think i do well for the long runs. i lose touch. i don't follow through. i used to blame this on the fact that i moved around a lot as a kid. every three years there were new friends, new situations and usually the kids you just finished 6th grade with didn't keep up w/ you for the next 30 years. but i'm beginning to think it might be more than that.

i kept in touch w/ our art teacher for several years. we exchanged christmas cards and an occasional letter. i honestly don't know who stopped sending cards first, me or her. but honestly i thought maybe the worst had happened and she died. when my friend texas said she still was still in touch w/ her it kind of took me off guard. the teacher is 80 now. texas said she calls her on a regular basis and keeps tabs on her. i think texas may be a long distance runner and not a sprinter like me.

i also discovered that the magazine i used to work for is probably going out of print soon. the rumors have been circulating since i was laid off--the company was sold, different pubs were shutting down, etc. the magazine was always the red-headed step child of a corporation that saw more value in some of the bigger books they published. this mag never really had a champion; if it did it would have been a much, much bigger success. don't get me wrong, among it's competitors it was number one, but compared to the other magazines under the family corporate umbrella it was the baby. anyway, come to find out the person who was editor before me is now freelancing for the soon-to-be-defunct pub. the negative, pessimistic, insecure side of me wonders why they didn't ask me to freelance instead. i think even though i was laid off i left under better circumstances than she did (several of the decision makers weren't exactly thrilled w/ her back then, hence the reason she was gone and i became the editor). however, i think maybe she's a long distance runner in this regard. i have to admit--once i got laid off i pretty much severed all contact w/ the company, except for a few friends i still speak to. i felt betrayed and hurt and....well, awful. i think the former editor maybe stayed on that proverbial radar better than i did though.

earlier i left a comment on drollgirl's blog and you will not fucking believe what my word verify was????? humpme. i'm not kidding, it was humpme. on hump day. how hysterical is that???


Grey Ghost said...

I reached retirement age last November but carried on working full time through the christmas rush,I was a butcher.In January I went down to 3 day week,a short while after I heard they were looking for a full time butcher.Trying to be helpful,I gave 6 weeks notice for them to find my replacement.On my last day,just as I was about to leave my boss came in,gave me my paperwork ,shook my hand and said "dont be a stranger",and left.Now other than when I've popped in to see them i havent had a phone call,email or text.Who's the stranger.

drollgirl said...

hmmm. very interesting. it is hard to maintain friendships. i have let so many go. SO MANY. i cut my losses rather quickly...for many reasons. but that has left me with not so many friends, and sometimes i wish it was easier to make new ones. humph. must work on this. or maybe not. hmmmmm.

Surely said...

I've always worked for non-profits so there you go.

If you can make it work with the freelance, I would do that!!!

Letting go of a job sucks. I am 100% with you there.

The friend thing requires more pondering. Stay tuned.

Kristin.... said...

I am over-eager when it comes to making friends. I try too hard and then get let down when it's not reciprocated. IT also doesn't help that I have 4 kids and quite honestly, not everyone wants to be friends with a person with that many small people underfoot all the time.

Yay for freelance work. I WILL stop feeling like a tornado. I'm sure it takes time getting back into the swing of things. Of course, what the hell do I know? I haven't worked in almost 6 years!