the dump

so far this is turning into a shitty day. i know it is only 6:40 in the fucking morning, perhaps that is why is it going to be a shitty day. i am really, really tired of getting up at 6 am every fucking week day. seriously. i hate it.

i am feeling cantankerous and bitchy. the only reason i have is because i am a woman and sometimes, during certain times, you just want to rip people's heads off, eat their brains (what little they have) and then toss their bloody guts into a raging fire. all for no real reason other than...you are a woman and it is that time.

so i'm at physical therapy yesterday morning and explained that while overall my pain has started dwindling, the night before it was killing me for no apparent reason. i did nothing different. kept up w/ my stretching exercises etc. the pt asked me about my cycle--and we ain't talking motor. ah....why yes, the pain up shot does coincide with the commencement of that now useless business that i must endure on a regular basis. the pt shook her head, that might be the cause of your pain flux....hormonal. are you fucking kidding me? nope. nice. thanks.

and you know what else? i am irritable. when i am like this things that do not normally bother me now tend to make me want to throw something large and heavy (with my good arm) out a huge picture window or something.

i am irritated that i still have not heard back from this one particular job i want, that i think i'm (mostly) perfect for and that is close to home. i keep envisioning myself in this job and thinking about how cool it would be and every time i drive by the location i want to jump out of the car and tell them to fucking hire me already because summer is coming and that means financially we're looking at cashing in a 401k (goodbye future) and mentally i'm looking at another summer w/ my darling children 24/7 w/ no money, grasping for ways to keep them occupied and happy.

my children. oy fucking vey. they boy has his first girlfriend. she is one of his karate classmates. she is the highest ranking belt in their school (only a few classes above the boy and only one belt higher). the boy is much more secretive than the girl. i only found out they were "officially" going together after some probing. he does not like me being "all up in his bidness." really? you're fucking 10--everything you do is my business bub.

the girl is full of bubbly, shrill, ridonkulous teen-ness on tues/thurs because those are the nights she goes to her brother's karate class to check out this boy in his class whom she likes. this tuesday the boy in question spoke to her. the girl floated home on a cloud. i am trying desperately to remember how that felt, those first puppy love crushes when the fact that he looked in your direction could sustain you for a week. this is a hard task when you feel like a snarling pit bull.

then there is the issue of being taken for granted. omfuckinggod. seriously? i know that right now my job description is all about cleaning the house and running the errands and doing the laundry and basically making things run around here, but holy hell. is it too much to ask for people to put their clothes IN the laundry hamper rather than on top of the closed lid? is it too much to ask for people to put their shoes away rather than leave them lying in the middle of the fucking floor? and when did my family forget that dirty dishes go in that box with the door underneath the counter? that magic box that cleans them. and is it too much to ask for them to say, every now and then (preferably when i am feeling like an underappreciatedpitbull), wow, the house looks nice or hey, thanks for doing xyz for me.

and? you know what? i got a pedicure yesterday w/ my mother's day gift certificate and nobody fucking noticed! what???!!!! douche bags.

someone should serve me a hot fudge brownie lava cake right fucking now.