Thursday, August 20, 2009

not the mama

can i just tell you that tuesday--the day my kids go back to school--could not come any sooner for me.

i love them both dearly and perhaps i'm the worlds shittiest mom for saying this but i am so not a good mom when i'm with them 24/7.

i'm really, really trying not to lose my mind and just start yelling non stop at them at the top of my lungs. everything they do is driving me up a fucking wall. no matter how many times i explain things to them they do not understand and keep asking me about it.

if i enter one more retail establishment w/ them and the girl tells me she "needs" xyz for school i just might lose my ever-loving mind.

if i have to explain ONE MORE time that the issue w/ cell phones is not the cost of the phone itself (cos you can pretty much get those for free) it is the cost of the monthly 2-year bill that is giving us pause--again, i will lose my mind.

i do believe pms is not helping the situation right now. i am irritable for no real reason. but their constant....constantness is making me crazy. how do other parents do it? i read blogs, people enjoy their kids. are they just not saying sometimes they'd rather feed them to the wolves or drop them off on the highway or ship them off to a boarding school? am i the only evil person out there?

when i am thinking clearly i KNOW we are lucky and i KNOW my kids are good kids. they are both smart and funny and creative. they can be (occasionally) thoughtful and helpful. they can be (rarely) grateful. and i know if they are getting on my nerves after being together all summer i've surely gotten on their nerves. i KNOW this.

it annoyed the hell out of me when we were at the girl's open house and one of her friend's mom asked what she'd done this summer and she said nothing. really? hmm, didn't go to wv for a week, didn't go camping, didn't go to the beach, didn't go to movies, etc.

oh, i will be fine. i know this will pass and i love them both--but crap they can get on my last nerve.


cheatymoon said...

Deep breath. You'll be done soon and then you can focus on you, while they are at school. If it helps any, all kids say they did nothing when asked. My kid still says he did nothing this summer. As the kids say... w/e.

Good luck w/ the cellphone battle.

Anonymous said...

I will thank D when I get home for getting snipped. :)

Sweet T

Penny said...

I am so there with you! I feel guilty a lot of times because I don't mind that Eli goes to daycare, in fact I prefer it, because I suck at being a stay at home mom...I have very little patience, I suck at playing, and I can't deal with the CONSTANT talking. I suck.

Not Your Aunt B said...

You need to get some more Chinese take out (wink, wink) and just wait it out. They will be in school soon and then it is momma time!

Antoinette Meaterson said...

I got on antidepressants to help me with such an issue, but my children are a lot smaller than yours. I'm dreading going back to school, for various reasons, but I'm also starting to become a proponent of 3 months on, 1 month off. This summer vacation crap gets LOOOOOOOOOOOONG.

the Mayor said...

I'm going to be driving home from NC next week with 2 teenaged daughters and I'm doubting both will make it back in one peice.

Pandora said...

I think that any parent that says they never get irritated or aanoyed with their kids,is a big fat liar.It's totally impossible for people,even if they are related,to always get along,especially if they spend long periods of time together.

You are not alone in feeling the way you do.I think you are definitely a normal mom,and not some pretentious,unrealistic idea of what a mother should be.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Hotch Potchery said...

Let's see...I am the mom who was counting down the days until my kids moved OUT.

I love my children dearly, but dude, the only kid that talks more than Eli is College Kid.

Astarte said...

I think the last week of vaca is to make it so we don't miss them once school starts!

Try to think of it this way - they can barely remember what they did at school all day when you ask them that very evening, so remembering a trip to WV that was like, two months ago? Never.

broad minded said...

pls. i have one for a reason. and even i can't handle just one is more than i can take some days. it doesn't make you a bad parent, if anything i think acknowledging our short comings makes us good parents. the bad ones are the ones that lie and say they love their kids all the time. NO ONE loves their kids all the time.