wake up maggie i think i've got something to say to you

ok, so i know i've posted a lot today but i HAD to comment on this post by drollgirl. her picture posts always make me laugh or smile or think or experience new art. she finds the most unusual things to post about and i love it. she has this ongoing thing--hot or not--where she puts up pics of people and you say if they're hot or not (duh, sort of self explanatory huh?).

so i almost peed my pants when i saw this hot or not post on my boyfriend, rod stewart. lol. oh sweet jeebus. for those of you who've been reading for any length of time, you know of my love for him. you know of my obsession with him. it has been going on for decades. i know people make fun of me for this love, but i don't care.

as much as i love him, i did not find him attractive, at.all. in his younger days. my love for him exploded in the late 80s/early90s. he was soooo hot then. when the hubs and i were first married rod was married to that bitch rachel whatshername. we agreed that if given the chance they would be our swap couple. not that we swap. but if we did, it would be w/ them. cos i'm sure rod and that bitch would so be up for it.

the other thing that amuses me about drollgirl's post is all the comments. granted, i am probably her oldest reader/commenter, but 99.9% of them said he was most certainly not hot.

top that!

ok, so, hotch admittedly has a fucknoodle of a mother (her words, not mine). and i can't help but laugh at some of the stories she tells about her parents because it makes me realize i am not the only person in the world w/ fucked up folks.

(omg this is my third post in as many hours. i have GOT to get off this computer). ok.

so, like i said earlier, my sister is about to pop her third kid out. she's likely to be going in to labor any day now right? so my mom sends email updates to her contacts about this progression. um, ok, if someone is going to the hospital i think that's worth a phone call NOT an email right?

but, emailing allows my mom to let her sisters (who live in different states) and her few friends know what she's up to. this emailing of hers has caused trouble before. she likes to make the rest of the world think she's an awesome mom/grandma by sending these mass emails letting people know when she does something w/ her family/grandkids or when something bad happens. she loves giving people bad news, though she wants you to think she hates it. she likes the attention.

anywho...this morning she sends out an email that she thinks my sister's water has broken, they're on their way to the hospital, etc. and that she herself is at work, waiting to see if it's the real thing or not and she'll keep us all posted. (because all of us are sitting around our email boxes and not doing something productive. ok, I'M on the computer, but i know for a fact the hubs, my bro and sil are working, and they are among the people included on this mass email). it's a mass email. five minutes later she sends THIS:

false alarm.
vaginal infection.

in a MASS fucking email folks! really? are you that fucking retarded? i just responded w/ a tmi. and? if you ever send out a mass email telling people i have a vaginal infection i will kick your ass.

wonder if she'll get a clue? she's pretty clueless about innuendo.

w/ the shape of an ell on her forehead

a loser. that's me. or at least that's the way i feel.

i've spent the better part of the morning catching up on blogs/emails/leaving comments. yesterday i had coffee w/ friends i haven't seen in months.

i fear i have a problem keeping friends. i'm ok at it when i see someone every day, work with them, can chat over coffee in the break room or vent about common work-related issues, etc. but then when i'm not working w/ people it seems to fall apart.

i go for a week w/out blogging or reading blogs and i fall way behind in what's going on with another group of friends. i suck.

i have always thought i had commitment issues, if that's what these are. i could blame it on the fact that i was an army brat and moved somewhere new every three years, hence i didn't really ever learn the skills needed to maintain and keep friendships. when i was in elementary and middle school it didn't really matter, moving wasn't a big deal.

the first time it really bothered me was when we left PA and moved to germany. i had just finished 9th grade and had been with that group of kids since 7th grade. of course the biggest heartache was moving from germany back to the states. i'd met the hubs by then, i had a trio of great friends. of all of those people i met and had such strong connections to then, only the hubs remains a constant in my life.

i've reconnected with a handful of friends from college and high school on fb, but we never kept up before now like most people do. i think i don't really have what it takes to be a good friend. and seriously, i am NOT looking for you to say, aw, yes, you're a good friend....blah blah blah. i'm just talking out loud here.

i do not call my friends on a regular basis. i do not often see many of them in person even. and then, when i know that other friends are becoming better friends to each other i get jealous. really? what the fuck is wrong w/ me????

rainy day

it's raining this morning. i love rainy days. we should move to washington state.

friday was my birthday---i turned 41. i can't believe i'm over 40 now. it was a good day though. the hubs got me a new digital camera, i got it early. i used bday money to get a pedicure and then when everyone got home from work/school i opened more presents. the hubs totally spoils me in that regard. i got scattergories (which i've been wanting forever), a tripod for my camera, a scarf the girl knitted, a picture the boy drew and these cool sharpie pens i'd been jonesing for. we went to dinner and came home and had cheesecake. awesomesause.

it is well known in my family that i get torn up when reading my bday cards. the hubs usually gets me a heart-felt, serious card, and i cry. the kids usually pick out something funny or w/ music, and sometimes there are cards/gifts from the animals (there were this year, they actually got me the tripod). this year though, the girl picked out a serious card, so touching. i cried. part of me thinks this card shows a bit of her maturity and another part thinks she relishes in getting a reaction from me. either way, the card is something i'll cherish forever.

*************
the first week of school went well i suppose. the girl is frustrated w/ the over crowding on her bus, loves her science teacher (which i predicted because he's a young, 20 something guy) and she's pissed that she can't leave her viola in her home room and has to lug it to the orchestra room in the morning instead.

the boy's big fascination this week was checking the progress of the decaying opossum on the road by his bus stop.

*************
sunday i met some friends for coffee in the afternoon. i NEVER do stuff like that on the weekend. it was bittersweet actually. these are all former co-workers who became great friends. with all of the layoffs/job changes we've sort of scattered to the winds. a few of them keep in closer contact w/ each other, but it had been months since i'd seen any of them. it makes me sad that we don't all work together any more. i sometimes feel out of sorts at these things lately because i don't have much to offer in way of conversation. i don't have a job to talk about. i am not having a baby. i am not going through a divorce.

*************
part of me is in a great place, optimistic about the future, hopeful that the right job for me will come along. but part of me seems on the verge of tears a lot too. that sadness that comes from not being able to make everything right for the people you love. knowing that they have issues and are dealing with things you can't fix for them. it is frustrating, not knowing how to make things better/happy/right.

*************
i will be an aunt again soon. i haven't talked about it much, mostly because i'm not close to my sister. she's 12 yrs younger than me and has made a lot of decisions i don't agree with and certainly don't understand. this is child #3 for her, the first one she's had in wedlock. the other two have different fathers, neither of whom are part of their lives. she is basically due any day now--a little boy.

hallllooooo poppets!

(said in my best mrs. doubtfire voice, if you can imagine)

i feel like i've not written a post in about a year but of course it's only been close to a week. i haven't been around to read all of you either--i sincerely apologize and will be by shortly. i keep up w/ many of you on facelibre as well so i don't feel completely in the dark.

lest you think i've been negligent just because i'm farming and killing people on facelibre, i'll give you a bulleted list of all of the things keeping me from blogging lately.

• we fell into that deep, deep dark cave and got a family cell phone plan. i know, i know. you don't have to say anything. but we got the minimal plan (w/ unlimited texting) and the boy, girl and i got phones. holy hell folks, i now have a slide out keyboard on my phone. and it's purple for god's sake! yes, me, the one who poo-pooed the whole damn thing. what can i say? it was shiny and i liked it. the girl texts me every afternoon as soon as she gets on the school bus since she can't have it on in school. the boy isn't allowed to take his to school.
• i have spent most of the past weeks up until yesterday (first day of school) running around like a chicken w/ my head cut off. despite the fact we officially finished school shopping more than a week ago, there were last minute needs/wants. it seemed like every time we went anywhere the boy or the girl would remember they needed a belt or a notebook etc. oy vey i was fried.
• i also spent a lot of time getting ready for the hubs' bday (he turned 44 on monday). we had a family "surprise" party for him on saturday, my folks, sis & her fam and bro and his fam. srsly don't think the hubs was surprised considering how many times my mom and sis called asking me needless questions about it, especially since neither of them call on a regular basis. hello--secret? understand the concept?
• i totally fucked up his actual birthday however. i had spent weeks researching hammocks and visiting a couple of stores before deciding on which replacement hammock to get him (the one he got for father's day broke a month ago). i was soooo pleased. monday the kids and i finished our errands and i went to set the hammock up before the hubs got home and it was too big for our frame. fuckity fuck fuck. that was his gift--the hammock and pillow to go w/ it. so we had to rush out and get something else and i was totally not happy. so frustrated, very near tears. i wanted it to be a good day for him since i knew it was a rough bday to begin w/.
• the hubs had a hard time this year w/ his bday because it's the first bday w/out his brother--he used to call the hubs every year, preferably as early as possible to try to be the first person to wish him happy bday. and, though it's been 5 yrs since his mom died, she also always called. two calls that weren't happening this year--it had a powerful impact. his dad didn't call because he's on an alaskan cruise this week. said it was too expensive to call from the ship. don't even get me started on that man. i swear to god sometimes it takes everything i have not to call and rip that man a new asshole and tell him exactly what i think of him. i used to feel so differently, before the hub's mom died. he did get a call from his sister, but that was it.
• last week i also was dealing w/ a freelance project that turned into a goat rodeo because every person connected w/ the organization i was writing about had to put their two cents in. night.mare.
• this week i've got a little more freelance work going on, mostly writing press releases, but it feels good to have something going on.
• as much as i was ready for the kids to go to school, i like being here when they come home in the afternoon. of course i HATE getting up at 6am again, but once everyone is out the door by 7:45-8:00 i have 6 hours to myself. i am a person who needs alone time. i missed that this summer. yesterday i almost jumped for joy when i was alone. i puttered around the house, mowed the back yard and never once turned the tv on. it was heaven.
• oh! and i got a new digital camera (early) for my bday! it's awesome--24X optical zoom. zmog! i haven't discovered all of its many wonders, but i will and will share pics.

whew.

i plan on blogging and reading much more often. i miss reading you all!

not the mama

can i just tell you that tuesday--the day my kids go back to school--could not come any sooner for me.

i love them both dearly and perhaps i'm the worlds shittiest mom for saying this but i am so not a good mom when i'm with them 24/7.

i'm really, really trying not to lose my mind and just start yelling non stop at them at the top of my lungs. everything they do is driving me up a fucking wall. no matter how many times i explain things to them they do not understand and keep asking me about it.

if i enter one more retail establishment w/ them and the girl tells me she "needs" xyz for school i just might lose my ever-loving mind.

if i have to explain ONE MORE time that the issue w/ cell phones is not the cost of the phone itself (cos you can pretty much get those for free) it is the cost of the monthly 2-year bill that is giving us pause--again, i will lose my mind.

i do believe pms is not helping the situation right now. i am irritable for no real reason. but their constant....constantness is making me crazy. how do other parents do it? i read blogs, people enjoy their kids. are they just not saying sometimes they'd rather feed them to the wolves or drop them off on the highway or ship them off to a boarding school? am i the only evil person out there?

when i am thinking clearly i KNOW we are lucky and i KNOW my kids are good kids. they are both smart and funny and creative. they can be (occasionally) thoughtful and helpful. they can be (rarely) grateful. and i know if they are getting on my nerves after being together all summer i've surely gotten on their nerves. i KNOW this.

it annoyed the hell out of me when we were at the girl's open house and one of her friend's mom asked what she'd done this summer and she said nothing. really? hmm, didn't go to wv for a week, didn't go camping, didn't go to the beach, didn't go to movies, etc.

oh, i will be fine. i know this will pass and i love them both--but crap they can get on my last nerve.

where did you come from?

for the last year or so the hubs has been working on our family tree. there have been scattered bits of research done by various people on both sides and the hubs has used that as a foundation--but lately he's been digging deeper.

this weekend he got on ancestry.com to fill in some gaps. it really is amazing to think about your distant relatives from the 1800s or even 1700s. it is interesting to see the census reports from 1920. they tell who lived in the house at the time, how old they were, if they could read. sometimes the names are misspelled. i can almost picture someone knocking at my door today, asking me questions for a census. what must they have thought back in the 1920s? or before?

he has uncovered unwed mothers, fathers who left one family and moved to another state to start another (either with or without benefit of a divorce), a canadian foster child who wandered into kansas and became part of our tree, betsy ross marrying into his tree (though bearing no fruit as it was a second marriage for both parties). there are times where it seems plausible that our families have entwined before our union, but so far no facts or documents to support this. just speculation. we can trace my family back to prussia, his to germany. there are cajuns in his background, canadians in mine (at least one). it is quite amazing. and sad that we really don't have anyone left that we can ask these family questions of. how did my wv grandma end up married to a soldier from washington state? how did they meet? why did his great great grandpa leave his family in arkansas and start another family in oklahoma and why did his grandma visit them?

neither of us have blood-related grandparents left. no great aunts or historians to share these stories.

i know our kids couldn't give a flip about this research right now, even though the hubs has poured hours into to. but someday they will care.

two great tastes that taste great together

sex followed by chinese take out. yum.

old people are weird

at least according to my kids. and by old people they mean people above 20 i'm sure. today we ran around trying to finish off the school shopping hell. clothes/shoe shopping--the supplies have already been bought. well, mostly bought. the girl needs 2 three inch binders. do you know how rare these are? do you know how inordinately huge these are? we finally saw some today but at this point i refuse to buy them because i want to ask the teachers at open house if they really need TWO three inch binders. if they have to lug those around i'm getting the girl a friggin shopping cart. fuckers.

back to the "old people are weird." the girl said this as she was fussing about shopping for her smod clothes--standard mode of dress.when she entered middle school last year i thought this was kind of cool. it's not a uniform, per se, but they can only wear khaki or navy pants, solid specific colored collared shirts and the outrageously expensive spirit wear shirts sold through the schools. apparently retailers haven't really caught on to smod in our area. that, coupled w/ the fact that the girl is aging out of the girl's clothing and into junior's--it raises some issues for us. finding khaki shorts that cover more than butt cheeks is not as easy as one might think.

the girl says smod is stupid and frankly i'm beginning to think she's right. the idea of smod--i assume--is to deter peer pressure, gang-like activity and promote tactful dressing instead of hoochy mama looks. smod doesn't deter peer pressure--as experienced last year when "everyone" was wearing polor shirts from abercrombie & fitch rather than tarjay. it might deter the hoochy mama issues--for now--but as soon as these kids hit high school all bets are off. i don't think it's all that beneficial after all and it makes school clothes shopping a pain in the ass for me.

the boy says "old" people are weird because in his school they get to decide which kids are in the talent show and he thinks the kids should get to decide. he says he'd rather see someone who can burp the alphabet rather than someone doing "some stupid dance." the burping would be "very entertaining." can't argue that.

***********
i guess old people are also weird because of their taste in music. being with the kids this summer i've been listening to more of THEIR music. when we're running errands, riding around town we often listen to their radio stations. these are the top 40 stations that play the same 20 songs all damn day. granted i like a few of them (poker face is cool, actually, i think i like several pink songs) but this if you seek amy (f.u.c.k.me) brittney song, kiss me through the phone, boom boom pow, tonight's gonna be a good night, that's what you get for waking up in vegas, somebody call 911 shorty's something on the dance floor, ushi or umi your the best, etc. roll through my head way too often and make me want to hurl. oh and disco stick and don't trust a ho--(sssshhhh girl, shut your lips, do the hellen keller and talk with your hips) yeah, such great music. must, get these tunes out of my head! aigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's thursday....whoopee

nothing much to say, oh, my brain is mulling a lot of different things right now i just don't have the ability to formulate a good (or even bad) blog post from the junk flying around in my brain. i'll creak the door open though so you can take a peak inside (sound of door creaking--needs wd40) shhssss, be quiet and just observe, the ideas and thoughts get upset if you disturb them or feel self conscious if you stare too long.

****omg the hubs has pneumonia. he was sick towards the end of our beach trip but i can't believe he has pneumonia. and he's working. i'd be home. sleeping. sometimes i do not understand his work ethic.

****i did an interview yesterday for this piddly mag freelance story. i cannot believe i'm even doing this. it's an advertorial. and, if it were flat out called an advertorial i'd have no problem w/ that, but that it's disguised as editorial goes against every fucking thing i believe in.

*****the interview went really well, and i'm wondering if the guy was trying to feel me out about a part time job. the pay is laughable compared to what i was making. seriously. but it's a part time job. it's for a non-profit. i like the idea of that a lot. i like the idea of doing something positive. but the money is bad. very bad. i need a real, full time job. but, maybe if i got this part time thing it would give me access to other businesses/people in my town who might eventually need my mad freelance writing skillz. or maybe it wouldn't and i'd just be working part time and set us back 15 years on our financial plans/goals.

*****why am i soooo afraid to take risks?

******trish said i should tell that guy at the magazine how to do his job or shut up and do it myself. i don't even know how to do either of those things. i am a candy ass wuss. i can't tell a guy how to run his magazine. and i surely don't have the backing to start my own.

*******i have become a hermit this summer, as far as my friends go. none of my friends have kids my kids' ages and our situations are all so different. then i get jealous because they all seem to be hanging out together and i feel left out. yeah, i'm a douche.

*******i'm worried about the boy. he's always done a bit of the sleepwalking thing. but at the beach, when we woke up to him trying to get out of the room, holy hell. what if we wouldn't have heard him? what makes kids sleepwalk? he's done it twice this week too--come into our room, looking wide awake but it's obvious he's not, talking. it scares me.

********my folks are taking my sister's kids to wv this weekend. my mom sent out an email to tell us and explained they were doing it because her kids haven't gotten to do anything this summer. hmmm, really? well, maybe if my sister wouldn't have spent her tax money on a big screen, blue ray and wii she could have taken her kids somewhere. i mean, despite the fact that she's been out of work too (and longer than i have) she's still sent them to daycare all this time. really? well, to be fair it's not like she's really paying for it--state aid and all. sometimes i think moving away from here would be the best thing in the world.

*******i watched the notebook last night. how fucking depressing is THAT movie. i don't think i've read that book, and if i did it was a million years ago. holy hell that was sad. i have this fear that i'll get alzheimer's (cos one of my gmas had it and the other had dementia) so this movie played right into my fears. i envisioned the hubs reading me our story and me not knowing him or the kids. yes, i sobbed like a big ole baby. (i think i'm getting ready to start or something)

********the dogs went outside last night as usual--in and out in and out all night. i let leah back in. no keely. (the kids had long ago gone to bed and the hubs was in a medicine induced sleep in his recliner, it was around 12 or 1 am). i search the back yard, well, as best you can when it's pitch black. no dog. holy fuck where is she? she's dug out again? what am i going to do. i go out front, quietly yell for her (hard to do) nothing. i woke the hubs up, he went out, whistled for her and she came. she was out of our yard, across the street in the neighbor's back yard. this means she's once again dug a hole somewhere and crawled under the fence. dammit.

***and, i haven't responded to your comments on the cell phone issue yet, but, the hubs has been researching family plans. yes, it's just a matter of time.

dream a little dream

the girl just got up (it is 10:32am). she plopped down at the kitchen table in front of me and here is our conversation:

girl: i just had the best dream and i didn't want to wake up.

me (thinking it was going to be about twilight or something): what was it about?

girl: it was the first day of 7th grade and our homeroom teacher gave the whole class lg rumors (i assume this is a cool phone). then she told us we could text anyone in the room for 30 minutes. it was so cool!

*****************
the alternate title to this post would be shoring up the cave in.

the hubs is caving in. i've felt it, sensed it, but he threw it right out there in the open last night when he got home from work. we're sitting on the couch and he says, i just want you to THINK about getting them new phones.

i immediately say no.

he says--don't say no yet. just THINK about it. which means he's already thinking about it which means sometime soon they will get new phones.

he says---they're good kids.
me--they're spoiled kids.
he--nawwww.....who am i kidding, yes they are spoiled, but, they're good kids.
me--getting them these phones now not only doesn't make any fiscal sense it also teaches her that if she whines and pouts and fusses long enough she'll get whatever she wants and that's just not realistic. that's not teaching her about life.
he---but she's a kid she doesn't need to learn about disappointment yet.

he's caving. i think i need a safety helmut.

self righteous diva bitch here

please allow me to introduce myself. i am the self righteous diva bitch side of ck.

as you know i've been unemployed since april. i am an unemployed editor/writer. i went to j school. i've been writing and editing as a profession for...oh i don't know about 17-18 years. jobs in this area in this field are few and far between.

generally i am not a diva. i have applied for and would accept jobs that i know i'm over qualified for, so long as the money was right. i mean i've applied for marketing jobs in a waste management company and a cigarette company for god's sake. i have no shame at this point. lol.

early on in my job search i sent my resume to a few local publications, knowing they weren't hiring and could not afford me full time but thinking perhaps to drum up some freelance work. one particular small, small local publication could soooooo use my help. the guy who owns/runs it is doing great (i assume cos he's managed to keep it afloat for 2-3 years) on the sales side of things. the staff consists of him. he uses freelance writers/photographers for his articles. he lays the thing out himself, it could use a lot of help, but it's his baby. anyway, i met w/ him, at length months ago, showed him samples of my work, gave him copies of my former magazine, etc. he is not an editor/writer and has no idea about that side of the business.

dude emailed about a month or more ago asking if i would be interested in freelancing. uh, yeah i think i told you that when we met. the pay is minuscule, but then he's looking for short articles. i again told him yes, i'm interested. i hear nothing for weeks.

when the kids and i were on vacay in wv he emailed me about doing an article--deadline this wednesday. same small payment, same small amount of work. sure, i can do that. dude asks me AGAIN to send him writing samples. hmm, did you lose the three magazines and my resume?? i emailed him links to some of my work that's online. he emails back asking if these are interviews? uh, did you fucking read them? (did i mention he is all of maybe 25? not to offend any younger readers but i'm closing in on 41 and have about 20 times more experience in publishing than this douche canoe and he's dicking around). ahem.

i said, uh, yes, these are samples of interviews. still nothing. so--today i email him again saying i assume since i haven't heard from him he's found another writer, especially seeing as how the deadline is wednesday and he's not nailed down the particulars. i also have to get on my journalistic high horse here and say i hate the way he picks people to write about because they are only people who advertise w/ him. he has to get their ad money in before he agrees to write about them. ohmygod this goes against every freaking thing i was taught in j-school and everything i've always fought against as an editor. this boy so needs my help.

and? the things that makes me want to laugh and smack him silly at the same time is that he keeps saying this interview subject is a big wig in our town (i should remind you i live in a small town). like i should be in awe or honored or whatever to be interviewing this guy. uh, dude? really? i'm not 12 and i'm not fresh out of school. interviewing a small town big wig or town council guy or business owner doesn't really impress me any more. look at my fucking resume dude. i have been there and done that and much more.

i know it is bitchy. i know it is being a diva. but i am sooooooo above this shit that he's taking so serious thinks i should be impressed with. omg. now he is telling me that he might be able to get me the info later today and could i still do the interview write the article.

grasshopper really needs to hire me as a consultant to run the editorial side of his business. sheesh.

why i hate technology (edited w/ more rant)

my eldest child is 12. she is about to enter the 7th grade. when she was but a young 4th grader we started hearing this foreign noise emanating from her mouth---iwannacellphonewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

it was often uttered in such a high, tinny pitch i'm sure only the dogs could hear it. then she made sure we heard the whining. for years. but i NEED a cell phone. i NEED it. everyone in school has one except me.

really? you are in 4th grade. what do you need it for? no answer.

when she was in 5th grade and went on her first overnight school trip w/out me we caved and got her a cell phone. it is a basic cell, nothing fancy, no slide out keyboard. it is pay as you go. it is cost effective. i have the exact same phone.

for the last two years the iwannacellphonewhine has turned into a more frequent, pitiful whine i wannaslideoutkeyboardcellphone so i can text. ALL of my friends have slide out keyboard phones or even TOUCH phones. so and so got her first phone and it's a slide out keyboard. so and so's phone broke and her parents got her a touch screen. i'm the only one w/ a black, flip phone. really?

i realize that i'm often out of touch w/ what's going on in the world. i live in my own little bubble and am oblivious to most things. do most kids in middle school have high end cell phones? and, if they do...uh, how are people justifying the expense? i mean we pay about $60 every 2-3 months for my phone and her phone together (the hubs' phone is paid for through work). when school starts back up in a few weeks she'll only be able to text for about 20 mins of the school day (on the bus) and then in the afternoon.

the girl obsesses over phones. she researches plans online. she devours the literature she finds anywhere on any phone service. she fondles every one in every store we enter. and she really cannot see why we do not jump gleefully into a two year contract that would include a new monthly bill just so she can text quickly on a slide out keyboard. how could we be such horrible parents?

she is quite moody about the whole thing. she will go a few days or maybe, if we're lucky, a week or more without mention of a phone. then she'll see a new commercial or an ad in the mail and off we go. she will stew about it and pout and rob us of her delightful personality. the only benefit to this is that she tries to bribe us. saturday when i got up she was folding laundry. she swept and mopped the kitchen floor. she did dishes (she's NEVER done dishes). she admitted later it was all done to impress us so we'd get her a phone.

i fucking hate cell phones.

oh, and NOW to make things even MORE fun, the rising 4th grade boy has jumped on the damn cell phone band wagon.

overheard minutes ago:
girl---mom we need to get a guinea pig, they're so cute.
boy---what makes you think we'll get a guinea pig, we can't even have phones.

back to life, back to reality

time's been suspended
days meld into one another, coming faster and faster

the hours roll by, some claim more importance or productivity
others just glide by like a leaf drifting down a lazy stream

my thoughts expand and contrast, breathing
yet wandering around without direction

there's little to show for this lapsed time....
but there have been laughs and hugs
a closeness we might not have had
and...that's ok

home sweet home

we're home from myrtle beach. here's a shot from our hotel balcony. it was a great week, but, again, i'm glad to be home. this is one of a few pictures i took this week because now the boy's camera (the only working digital in the house) is broken. the view screen is cracked so i took pictures never knowing exactly what would show up. nice.

i've come to realize that going on vacation isn't REALLY going on vacation when you're with your kids. i know that sounds shitty but those of you with kids know what i mean. the vacation is pretty much about them, doing what they want, keeping them entertained, etc. a couple's vacation would be much, much different than a family vacation, but, we're making memories and we did have fun.

we were on the beach part of every day. i have come to realize that i like the beach mostly in the evenings/night. the kids love riding the waves. i do not relish being continuously beaten about by salty water that gets in my nose and eyes. i do not relish getting sand in crevices.at.all. i don't like grit. we also swam in the hotel pool every day--that was much better. i can see what's in the pool. there are not sharks in the pool. or jelly fish.

one night we had seafood--crab legs. the girl and i ate some serious crab legs. the boy kept commenting about how he wasn't into killing and eating animals. i tried explaining to him where beef comes from. he gets it but said ripping the crabs apart was gross. i disagree.

another night we subjected the kids to our favorite restaurant. when the hubs and i went to the beach almost 17 years ago on our honeymoon we found a german restaurant. we go back every time we go to the beach. the kids don't like german food. they suffered. the hubs and i were in heaven.

we also went to an amusement park and had a pretty good time, despite the fact that the hubs had started getting sick (i think he has bronchitis). first we rode the ferris wheel. i have discovered that i am a wuss in my old age. as a kid i rode rides w/ reckless abandon. nothing scared me. as an adult i'm a pussy. the ferris wheel sort of freaked me out a little and it freaked the girl out a lot. she kept looking at the floor of our "basket" the whole time. i was more than ready to get off.

then we all rode the hurricane--you know the one that goes around really really fast and the person on the inside slides across the seat and squishes the person on the outside? the hubs and i used to ride that at the german fests in high school. yesterday we rode it w/ our kids. it was pretty amazing.

then the boy decided that he and i should ride the roller coaster--the swamp fox. it doesn't have any corkscrews or upside down stuff so i thought, ok, we can do this. holy hell i'm getting old. it was fun and thank god it was over fast and the boy was scared shitless. he said afterwards that if it had gone one more second he would have puked. then there were go carts and bumper cars and we had a blast.

last night we spent a lot of time on the beach before heading back to the room. apparently my adjectives are still on vacation because i really can't describe how peaceful and wonderful it was. watching the kids digging in the sand and running around in the waves. sitting there on the beach, feeling the ocean's power.

it was a good week and we had fun and i want to go back soon, but this time just me and the hubs.

the kids did notice that the people across the hall from us had their do not disturb sign out ALL WEEK. seriously ALL WEEK. lucky bastards. (although we did manage to sneak in a quickie by sending the kids to the pool. we were on the second floor over looking the pool and both of them can swim.)

i've got the look

i felt the blog needed a new look since we've been on an updating binge around our house this summer. is it too pink? too girly? eh, it'll do for now.

the kids and i got back from wv yesterday. we had a great time.

the drive up there wasn't bad at all and coming through the last tunnel i popped in the john denver cd--almost heaven--and felt that same feeling i always get coming out of the tunnel and entering wv. i get choked up, emotionally and physically. i feel myself getting flushed or tingly or something, i can't describe it. it's the same feeling i get when i first walk into a great art museum and see paintings i recognize.

i don't ever imagine that we'll move to wv, and i don't necessarily want to live there again, but it is such a part of my soul. and even though i went to college there, it's not even about the time i spent there then, it's about the childhood memories and the feelings of appreciation for the mountains and the natural beauty.

we spent the week at one of my aunt/uncle's house. i have two left who live in wv, along w/ my last remaining grandparent and some cousins.

we went camping (in a camper w/ electricity and running water and all the amenities of home--quite the contrast from our tent camping earlier this summer) one night w/ my aunt. the campground is filled w/ people who keep their campers there year round. they've built decks, planted flowers, have dish tv, etc. it's weird but fun just the same. almost everyone has a golf cart to get around in. the kids drove the golf cart, we swam at the campground pool, went down to the river to skip stones, etc.

we also went to visit my (and my aunt's) alma mater, marshall university. i know that i've driven by the campus maybe once or twice since graduating, but that was the first time i'd been on campus since 1990. they've built a new stadium and added several buildings. both kids decided they want to go to school there, and, while a small part of me would be excited and proud for them to walk in my footsteps, i really want them to go to a college that best fits them and what they want to do in life. i told them both this, several times.

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i had a wonderful time w/ the hubs last night. after the kids went to bed we sat on our new couch in the living room (it's chocolate brown and not a cat scratch on it thank you very much) and we imbibed in a little mary jane and talked for hours. we came to realize that we have a lot of stuff in the house that neither of us really cares for. nick knacks, pictures etc. that we'd each just let be because we thought the other really liked it. we started de-assing last night and finished up some today. the dining room table is piled w/ stuff to box up and put in the attic. it was like an episode of an hgtv show when the designer comes in and removes about have the shit you have sitting around collecting dust and voila, your house looks much much better. aside from the clutter stuff we just talked for hours.

personally i think the hubs and i are great communicators compared to so many other relationships i see. we enjoy being w/ each other. we talk to each other. i think that some couples drift apart the longer they're together and i think the hubs and i are just the opposite. we started out as friends, became best friends, dated, got married and through the years we just keep drawing closer and closer together.

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tomorrow we're puttering around the house and packing because monday we're going to the beach! happily the hubs is coming on this trip. we're just going for a few days, but oh....i cannot wait to see the ocean. i love the beach in the morning and evening, and love hearing the waves at night. i love the smell and the sound and the feeling of.....unimportance? i feel. when you stand there, looking at such a huge expanse of sheer, natural power i'm always reminded that i'm just a speck, just a blip on the earth's surface. it's sort of grounding to be there, puts things in perspective.