what to do what to do

the girl has been telling us about some troubling things going on with her friends lately.

first, did you know being bi or gay is the new in thing? well, i didn't. several of the girl's girlfriends say they are bi or lesbian...not one, not two...several. one of the girls has dated boys and girls (she is 14) and last year sort of hit on the girl. the girl admits she doesn't care if they are or aren't but that their talk about kissing girls or detailed talks about it make her uncomfortable and when she says something they make fun of her for being "christian" or a prude. granted, i think a lot of this is just talk--the girls think they're being cool or rebellious or on the cutting edge--and honestly i don't care if they're gay or not. but, it makes me curious that so many of the girls are talking about it. kinda puts me in mind of those teen pregnancy packs that were going around. did i miss something? is this a trend i didn't know about??

second, the girl has another friend who is posting all sorts of freaky stuff on her facebook page. writing and posting dark poems, claiming she's a cutter, that she's suicidal, taking all these dark pictures of herself and posting them online. i don't know her parents. my girl confronted her about it and the girl acted like she had no idea what she was talking about. the girl says she acts perfectly normal at school, is happy, has friends, etc. this particular girl has had issues in the past--in 7th grade she accused my daughter of bullying her, going so far as to make anonymous phone calls to the bully hotline. it was a strange situation. after that she started following my girl around like a puppy dog and now she's acting like this. again--i don't know if this is serious or just for show.

do i get involved? do i call her parents, whom i don't know, and tell them they need to look at their daughter's fb page?

and w/ the bi/gay thing--i know one of the girls parents fairly well (we don't hang out or anything but we run into each other all the time because of our daughters). i don't know if they know what's going on w/ their kid.

i'm hesitant to do anything because for now my girl talks to us and tells us everything. i worry that if i start talking to parents or getting involved she won't trust us and tell us things we need to know about herself.

what would you do?

if i only had the nerve

in my head i am a balls out kind of person. i vent. i go off. i call people out on their totally fucktardiness. i am a badass mofo. in my head. in person i nod politely or hold my tongue (except of course w/ my family). maybe i should clarify...

yes for the love of god i do realize that changes on facebook are not the fucking end of the world, but, if i want to get on there and vent because they have made that thing such a fucking chore to use i don't even know why i bother, then don't write some holier than though post about how it's free and i'm not required to use it...blah blah blah. shut the fuck up. instead of writing that comment on fb i am sharing it w/ you here.

my sister has been posting that her middle child, the boy who creates havoc w/ all of the kids whenever we all get together, says he is getting picked on at school and she is fuming mad at the principal. my bro politely commented that his son said the same thing before and in the end they found out he was actually the one causing the problems. my sister apparently is one of those parents who thinks their kid can do no wrong. oy fucking vey. and after reading all of her other posts i'm quite sure her fucking house must be sparkling clean because that is all she talks about. or that someone is sick. or that she's just bought the kids some new cloths. i know i know--it's a free country, people can post whatever they like. but really? shut the fuck up already.

i am getting more into the rhythm of my workplace now and have discovered that i seriously fucking want to get one of those t-shirts that say...just because you waited until the very last minute to fucking get something done (even though i might have been prodding you about it for weeks) doesn't mean it is now my burden at the 11th hour. and while we're at it--omg...please, please please stop using the word ubiquitous. part of me thinks you are being witty by planting it in every paragraph of your work, but then i realize you aren't and it just makes me want to scream. also? can we just teach a class on marketing 101 to the whole fucking company? instead of saying this 12 times today i held myself in check, went out for a smoke, and then spewed all of this stupidity to the hubs on the phone as i was driving home.

and...man oh man. i am not a politically minded person by any means. while the hubs is a republican, i consider myself an independent, mainly because i can lean both ways depending on the issue. in a nutshell--i don't think the government has a right to tell me, if i make an ass load of money, that i should have to pay more in taxes because i made more money. flat tax across the board. i don't think the government should preclude people of any sex from getting married. i don't think they should tell churches what they can or can't do (not because i don't believe it in but i believe in the government staying out of the church's business). why should any one else care if two men or two women want to get married? are they marrying YOU? then get your fucking nose out of their business.

slumping along

ah...fall is here this weekend. i don't know if she's here to stay, but she is here. sporting events yesterday for the girl and the nephew. good. chili for dinner. good. but...i have been slowly walking down this hill into....slump. i told my friend texas about it a while ago--it's like nothing BAD has happened, i am not having an issue (aside from the ongoing head-shaking stuff of my parents/sister). i have a job, even if there are days that i have to amuse myself for fear of falling asleep. those are the longest days. i am just....vanilla.

do you ever get that way? i am not sad over anything. nobody has burst my bubble. no one is being particularly dickish to me. i just feel blah.

i blew up at my family friday after work because of the house. when i was laid off the house was my job. i might not have been the best at it, but i did it. i resented it being taken for granted, but i did it. now that i'm working and the kids have afterschool/evening activities it seems overwhelming. the hubs handles 95% of the evening activities (the boy's karate) so that does count for something. gah, i just need to get over myself and buck up right?

my kids are healthy. they seem to be adjusting well to their first years of middle and high school. their grades so far are great. they are interested in new things (drama and band). the hubs is mostly the best husband ever. i have a job and am getting paid so i don't have to worry about how to pay the bills. so what the fuck is my problem????? i keep coming back to this part in the book the help (have you read it? if not you should, it's a great great read). one of the maids is just perplexed because her boss, who seemingly has everything a person could want/need (except for a child and friends) is blue all the time. the maid says something to the effect of, "it's just like a white person to have everything under the sun and and not be happy." i'm paraphrasing, but that's what i took away from it.

not the post you'd think today

i thought about posting one of those, where i was 10 years ago today posts, but i just can't do it right now. i've read a few, and there are even more comments about it on fb and i just....don't want to feel sad.

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the cookout w/ the whole family last weekend was fine. empty. i told the hubs, it wasn't like when we get together w/ my bro/sil and the kids--happy, relaxing, fun, full of heart/love. i always look forward to any time we get to spend w/ them. i don't even think THEY know how much it means to me. but the cookout w/ the whole family...i actually dreaded it for days. i was not excited about it in any way. like any other time we all get together, it feels forced to me. it feels like we are all gathered out of obligation, not out of wanting to be w/ each other. the kids ran around playing as they always do, and, as always happens, my sister's middle child throws a wrench in things. he is a cute boy. if he changes his attitude and habits he will be a heart breaker some day. but--he is a tattle tale and a whiner and a sneak and a liar. granted, he's only in 1st grade, but my kids and my other nephew struggle to get along w/ him. my sister is also strange in that she doesn't let her kids do anything. my kids and my bro's kids (to include little puddin' who is 3) rough house and wrestle--my sister's kids are not allowed to do this. i was surprised that she let them play out in the yard w/ nerf guns (she doesn't permit gun/death play). i don't get this--how did she grow up in the same house i did? whatever. my mom did not go out of her way to interact with the grandkids--she asked for their birthday/christmas lists--further promoting the idea in my kids' heads that she's not there to love you, talk to you, care about you, just to give you stuff. she fb from my patio that she was enjoying the day w/ her kids and grandkids (all for the benefit of her sisters i'm sure).

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I am beginning to realize that this may actually be all there is to my job. Proof reading and juggling due dates. Pushing paper as it were. Waiting on feedback from others. Filling in excel spreadsheets. I have asked for more work. I have done everything but come right out and say most days I am bored senseless. I keep hearing, it will get busier. We’re coming up on our busy season. Hmmm. I’ve been here three months and I’m not seeing it. thank God they aren’t going to hire another person to do what I do, because really? That would be a gross waste of money. People here were under the impression that this was a time-consuming, tough job. Part of me wonders if there is something I’m supposed to be doing, that would take up some time, that I’m not. But, I’ve asked. The other part of me thinks that the person who last had this job had people snowed. Snowed better than any politician could imagine. Snowed more than Antarctica in the dead of winter. Snowed more than Charlie sheen’s glass-top coffee table. I have heard that she didn’t really pitch in to help anyone else out. Really? Sometimes that’s the only work I can get to fill the hours. I also heard that she holed up here in her office with the door shut all the time. Knowing the amount of work she didn’t have I guess I could see that because it would enable the taking of naps. I also heard that lots of guys frequented her office. Digging through some of the old files I have discovered that these guys were previously paid inordinate sums to produce things. Granted, part of my job is to work w/ these people producing things and to request payments for them, but, there is no paper trail to follow to discover how the previous person in this job came up w/ the payment figures. So…..I have some thoughts on this. One, she was padding their payments, doing part and or all of the work, and getting a kickback from them. The dirty minded part of me thinks she was getting kickbacks for other services she may have offered behind her closed office door. I have never spent so much time online, but it’s not even exactly what I’d like to do online because I can’t get to my email from work and I won’t risk actually blogging from work (just don’t know how much Big Brother pays attention) and though I can get to FB from work, I’m leery about being on there too much or posting or you know, playing those games I haven’t played in months. I make lists for myself. I do online crossword puzzles. I shouldn’t complain. As far as the big picture goes, I’m not complaining. I’m grateful to have a job. But the days go by so slowly when you don’t have a lot of work to do.

where does the time go?

i swear, i blink and a week goes by. but, during that week it feels like it takes forever, like life is moving in slo-mo. it just hit me this week that part of the reason things feel so crazy is because not only am i working again, but, the boy has karate while i'm working. this is a first. he started taking karate when i got laid off. we didn't have the mad scrambling to get people where they need to be like we do now. and the girl's soccer has started back up.

we've always told the kids they could do one thing at a time, i'm glad we did. although, maybe i was kidding myself. both are involved in classes (orchestra, band, drama--yes, my shy little girl is not only taking theatre arts, she's joined the drama club AND tried out for her first play) that require extra time.

what is suffering? my house. i seriously started thinking about seeing how much it would cost to have someone come in and clean once a week. but really--once a week wouldn't be enough. the dog shedding requires vacuuming every day. laundry. etc. i think perhaps i might have to adjust my expectations as to what my house will look like for the next seven years? (until the youngest goes off to college). i'm not a clean freak (far from it) but i feel out of sorts and jittery when the house is out of whack.

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labor day weekend is finally here. what does this mean? family cookout. the WHOLE family (yes, my parents and my sister and her family). my bro and his family will also be here but i like them. this was the hubs' idea--giving peace a chance and making an effort and all of that bullshit. i am certainly not looking forward to it, like i look forward to the bro and his family coming over. my parents will sit around talking to the grown ups, and then wonder why they have no relationship w/ their grandkids (well, my kids and my bro's kids). she actually emailed me this week asking for christmas lists for them!? really? ask them yourself today! get to know them! sheesh!

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