Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Bad things

TL commented on my good things list and it made me think I should do a bad things list. I’ve thought about it and can’t because then I’m always looking for the negative in things. However, I’m of the mood today to rant because for seemingly no apparent reason I’m pissed off. (Ok, I just had a little verklempt moment, which I’ll explain in a sec.)

First of all my computer at home is acting up. I can’t access email, can’t do my blog, the hubby can’t ebay and it’s just irritating. Last night it decided it does not want to read disks anymore. This is not an old computer, well I mean it’s maybe five years old, but it should not be doing the things it’s doing. I have work to do on that computer and now I can’t do it and I don’t know how to fix it and it pisses me off.

I’d been getting some phone help with the computer from my brother, who is a computer guy by trade (a little background—he’s six years younger than me; we have a sister six years younger than him). I emailed him this morning and told him everything he told me to do wasn’t working and I was up a creek and on a deadline and waaaaa, felt like crying. My verklempt moment was when he emailed me back and said he’d come over and fix it tonight, even though he’s busy, even though he has something else to do. So I teared up.

On to the next thing. My kids go back to school in 16 days. My baby is going to kindergarten. He got his class assignment Friday. I cried, just a tad. (In case you haven’t guessed I can be rather emotional.) For the last week or so my children have taken a page from How to Irritate Mom in Under Five Seconds, as every time I turn around they are arguing, tattling, whining or inflicting bodily harm. This is especially vexing in the mornings when I’m driving them to daycare.
Ben: Heidi, I’m a super hero but you’re just a sidekick.
Heidi: Shut up Ben.
Ben: Mom, Heidi told me to shut up.
Mom: Heidi, we don’t say shut up, Ben, quit harassing your sister.
Ben sticks out his tongue; Heidi throws her flip flop at Ben; Ben cries; Heidi laughs; Mom screams: SHUT UP!
Ben and Heidi: We don’t say shut up Mom.

This lovely family moment is repeated at the end of the day when I pick them up from daycare.

(Note—now my brother is going to copy the files I need and bring them to me at work! Sheesh, he’s too nice sometimes.)

They offset this behavior with moments of utter sweetness, further confusing my emotional well being. Heidi will come up to me, sit on my lap and nuzzle me like a kitten, rubbing her face on me, giving butterfly and Eskimo kisses. How can you stay mad at a sweet thing like that?

Last night, an hour after he’d gone to bed and was supposed to be asleep, Ben comes in and hugs and kisses me and hands me a piece of paper. He drew a picture for my friend Donut (not her real name) and asked me to give it to her at work the next day. He has a crush on Donut. She’s almost 27.

Then there’s my husband. For no reason at all this morning, I got snippy with him. I think he was trying to share his cigarettes with me since I’d run out. (Did I also mention that I can be a bitch sometimes?) I did call and apologize once I got to work. I think I must be PMSing (sorry for the guys who may be reading this.) I know some women hate that excuse, but usually when I flit from sobbing idiot to bitch in the same half hour, that’s a good indication that the hormones are in flux. When I called to apologize to the hubby he asked if he should bring some chocolate home for me. Is he good or what???

Then there’s the job. I’m burnt out. I’ve never been a morning person, but lately it is SUCH a chore to get out of bed. I lie there wondering if I could really call in sick today or try to think of something exciting to make me want to get up. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part I like my job; I like the idea of my job. But I’ve been doing this job (though for different companies) for about six years now and the honeymoon is over. I feel like I could do it in my sleep.

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