leap year friday

i'm sure this is a significant day and all, cos, ya know, it's leap year, so happy leap year friday. though i'm quite happy it's friday i'm not happy thinking i leave sunday for the conference. i'm sure it will be fine. i'm not nervous like i have been in the past. i know 99% of the people there so that will be fine. i just have an overwhelming dread about it and am ready for it to be done.

in other thoughts--there's a cheesy poll on the side that only one person has participated in so far. hello folks, pony up, it's not about sex : )

we are officially hooked on lost. neither of us could wait until the kids got in bed last night and we could sit down and relax and delve into another episode. or four. we kept saying, one more, one more. we finally stopped at 2am. omg it's totally addictive. and it's not just me. the hubs digs it too.

dear lord, my crazy-ass brother just called me. he cracks me the hell up. he mimics this comedian and it is so hysterical.

oh, and for those of you who know how to reach me at home, if you get a voicemail that is not my voice, don't leave a message. it's something automatic on the phone that goes to voicemail if we're on the phone. we don't know how to check that voicemail. we've had the phone three years. : ) i'm sure the voicemail is full. i hope it isn't anything important.

another random thing--our state lottery is up to like $153 million. this always sparks those what if conversations for us. the hubs is like, ok, so if i called you monday at the conference and told you we'd one the lottery would you still stay until thursday? i said no but in all reality i probably would just because it would be wrong to not finish what i'd started. i'd give them a two week notice.

i also said i'd give my brother, sister, parents and his sister and one brother $1 million each. the hubs didn't have a problem giving the bro the money, but he didn't want to give anyone else the money. if you won $153 million you'd have enough to share.

if you won $153 million would you share it? and if so with who?

(take the egg poll, inquiring minds want to know!)

and so it begins

the girl has periodically mentioned this boy in her class who is just a friend. she mentions him casually in conversation so i believe that indeed he WAS just a friend but...today things changed. today the boy not only played with her hair when he sat behind her in daycare, he also winked at her. red alert! red alert! AND he has a pet name for her, cat (yes, you know she loves the hell out of that) and she won't let anyone else call her this.

we found all of this out this evening in the car. i think the hubs almost had a seizure. as she was telling us about all of this i said quietly to him, and so it begins. he cringed. yes, she had a "boyfriend" last year, but this is different. this is a boy who is her friend.

we'll see what unfolds.

because of the nickname though, our boy decided he too needs a nickname. i told him my pet names for him, the girl tried to call him dogg but the boy has decided his nickname is...pocket knife. why you may ask? because he's so...sharp. if that doesn't make you lol i don't know what will.

a big ol' fluffly list o' crap

in the last few days i have received at least three of those "quizzes" at work. i love doing those things. anyway, i've edited the three together and picked the questions i liked most and here, for your reading pleasure, are the answers : )

If I look in your glove box, what will I find?
lord, i have no idea. i know it wasn't my insurance card because this weekend when the hubs decided to get the oil changed and realized that my inspection expired in NOVEMBER we couldn't find the insurance card.

What jewelry are you wearing?
three earrings

What is something your friends make fun of you for?
being dirty minded

Something irritating about your living situation
that the house does not clean itself

Where are you right now?
sitting in my pod listening to pandora and scrambling to put some order back into my work life

What was the most interesting thing that happened today?
hmmm, i capitulated to "the man" and compromised my journalism ethics

When was the last time you got blood taken and why?
in the fall to see if i had thyroid issues (cataracts are a symptom of thyroid probs) i have the cataracts but not thyroid probs

Of your friends, who has the best boobs?
LOL--omg this is hysterical. ok, well obviously i've not seen any of them in the flesh but my friend crusty has perky fake boobs. hell, i think all of you have better boobs than me---you're younger and have not given birth. enough said.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
i was out cold. i actually fell asleep at 9:30, not the best welcome-home-from-your-overnight-trip-honey evening, but we'll catch up

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
yes, the hubs. i've known him the longest, he knows me the best and he is a guy

What makes you cringe?
mom, mom, mom, mom (said increasingly louder, while interrupting a conversation); most operation shows on tv, i can't look

What was the highlight of your week?
the hubs coming home last night; lying in bed with the girl when she was sick; the boy being particularly cuddly this week (cos they were both assholes over the weekend--the kids, not the hubs)

Would you rather have straws for legs or slinkies for arms?
are they the bendy straws? if so, yeah, i'll take those legs

Are you easy?
lol--uh, not anymore

Are you spoiled?
I don't think so but yeah, probably

Do you fake bake?
is that like w/ an easy bake oven? or when you use pre-made cookie dough to make cookies? if so, then yes, i do that (not the easy bake oven thing)

What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
well, the alarm went off at 6:30 (it was really 6:10 i fake myself out w/ the alarm) and i thought, hell, i can sleep til 7 and it's still all good

Tomorrow...?
is another day and i'll think about all the bad shit then

Who/What do you sleep with every night?
lol---mmmm, wouldn't YOU like to know ; ) the hubs and my cat generally, sometimes a kid worms in there too

What are you saving your money up for right now?
summer daycare, bills, vacations

Three days from now, will you have sex?
hmmmm, doubtful as i'll be traveling, unless it's a morning quickie

What color are your eyes?
Hazel

Do you like what you see in the mirror?
well, what i see in the mirror is completely opposite from how people see me so generally i like what i see but do not like what other people see : )

What’s one word to describe you?
crazy

What makes you laugh?
my kids, the hubs, my brother, ninja (really, i'm not just saying that cos donut's on this chain)

How is your room looking?
my bedroom? a mess

Do you like to cuddle?
love it, love cuddling w/ my kids and the hubs and my cats—separately and en masse

Favorite kind of blanket?
i like our down comforter, but for snuggling on the sofa I have two old blankets that used to be my grandma’s, i don't know what they're made out of

When you think of the rainbow, what pops in your head?
ROYGBIV - the stupid thingy they taught me in school to remember the order of the colors, that and unicorns because both were things some girls liked when i was in middle school. i didn't really like either.

Name someone with the same birthday as you
Jack Black--yes i know, how cool is that???

For or against same sex marriage
For

Are you homophobic?
does that mean i don't like homonyms? cos i'm all about some homonyms. i like gay people too

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday morning?
hell no, i sleep in

Do you believe in God?
believe in god, i don't generally believe in organized religion

Name something you like physically about yourself
my eyes and hair

Something non-physical you like about yourself
my smart assedness

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
germany with the hubs and the kids

Favorite type of Food?
i prefer food made by someone else

What illegal things have you done?
i plead the fifth

Have you ever bungee jumped?
uh....helllllllllllllll noooo my worst nightmare would be bungee jumping from an escalator

Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
LOL uh, i don't know. i usually don't know if i'm being hit on

Have you met a real redneck?
yes, my dad

song ur listening to right now
nothing yet but the last song i heard on the way in this morning was brian adams, everything i do i do for you, which i love and which the hubs and i danced to at our reception

What are you afraid of?
screwing up my kids; something happening to the hubs or my kids; escalators; suffocating

What really turns you on?
strength (mental), sense of humor, common goals/values; caring, someone who "gets" me in all my craziness; someone willing to act retarded w/me; someone who offsets my weaknesses; sexiness; vulnerability

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
caramel machiatto

Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing?
no of course not! LOL

Favorite flower
peony

Butter, plain, or salted popcorn
butter and salt

What books are you reading?
i'm rereading the handmaiden's tale cos it freaked me out yet again

What's something that really bugs you?
a disorganized, dirty house; also people who talk and don't listen

What are some things you really like doing?
sleeping, reading, putzing in the yard (when it's warm enough) movies, writing, basically hanging out w/ my hubs/family

Can you dance?
well, i think i can but i'm quite sure i can't

Whats your favorite state to be in?
bliss

eye candy

the kids and i watched the latest pirates of the Caribbean movie last night while the hubs was out of town. i don't think i've seen the second one, but really? does it matter? so here's a little eye candy for your hump day pleasure (mrs a.--enjoy!!).

really, what a fine man specimen.

the ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind

Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends
are hard to find.

-- William Shakespeare

signs you're getting old

remember this album? do you feeeeeeeeellllll like i do? peter frampton was the first concert i ever attended. i was in the third grade. my youngest aunt (who's about 8-9 yrs older than me) had an extra ticket and i went with her, her then boyfriend and another friend. i had no idea who he was but i was excited as hell. i was 8, hanging out with HIGH SCHOOLERS and going to a CONCERT. wow. i remember standing in my seat to see better. i even have a Polaroid (remember those? the cameras that spit the picture out and you had to shake it a few minutes before the image appeared?) of him, though if you didn't know who it was you probably couldn't tell just by looking at it.

anyway, peter is now doing an insurance commercial. geico maybe? i don't know. here's peter recently.

i actually have the album frampton comes alive. it's really good.

what makes you feel old?

perhaps the moon isn't so bad?

today was starting off to be bad and in my mind it was going to be even worse. the girl woke up not feeling well. i figured this was coming. we've avoided sickness around here for awhile when all around us people at work/school have had a bug. she said she wasn't feeling well last night. with her, despite the fact that she can by a hypochondriac, i can usually tell in her eyes that she's off. she is off.

the hubs is on the road today, overnight work trip. normally this wouldn't have been too bad other than the fact that today is also the day his dad went in to surgery for the aneurysm. that's what he was supposed to have surgery on in december when they went in and found the heart issues that warranted the triple bypass (when the hubs was in OK for nearly two weeks). the hubs was torn about going out. it was bad timing all the way around, plus that is a killer drive. he also was under the impression that the bro in california would be there (he cancelled at the last minute). of course i always think the worst in these situations and have been petrified all morning that things would not go well and the hubs would get this news as he was driving, alone and away from home. i've just talked to the fil's wife though and part of the procedure is done, quicker than they thought and so far everything is going great.

another good thing--i called to check work voicemail and my pub left me a message that the big boss didn't go for the ad on the cover idea. what a relief. it makes me feel better about the big boss, that he won't turn us into a money grubbing whore.

i'm home with the girl today and it is rainy, semi-storming. i love this type of weather when i'm at home. earlier i crawled into her bed with her. it's funny how rain sounds different from different rooms in your house. her window is closer to a drain pipe and being at the front of the house you can hear cars on the road in the rain. you can hear the individual drips of water splashing on the bushes. we were curled up in her bed, her cat keeping watch, snuggled down underneath the covers with us. it was dark and quite except for the rain and our breathing. i glimpse at her profile and i swear to god my heart almost melted. despite the morning breath and the evilness that both of my kids have displayed the last few days, that moment, looking at my child's profile while she's curled up in my arms, god, that just makes it all worthwhile. i wanted to get my camera and take her picture, actually i wanted to get out some charcoals and sketch her profile, but that would have disturbed the moment.

as we were lying in bed the girl asked me if i was going to do work at home today. that made me a little sad. so often when we're unexpectedly home like this i am doing work. life shouldn't be like that.

so, i might check work email once today and voicemail once more, but otherwise i'm just going to be with the girl and the rain. i might even build a fire.

i see a bad moon rising

i'm on the verge of slipping into a seriously ugly mood. we could chalk it up to:

1. it's probably getting to be that time of month (i'm still off whack thanks to donut's pregnancy)

2. i go out of town again sunday (home on thursday) for my fucking conference, which i am totally dreading

3. my publisher dropped a totally ridiculous bombshell on me five minutes before 5 p.m. today. (i'm not much of one to stay after 5 unless absolutely necessary cos i feel like i give more than my fair share of work throughout the day/weekends/holidays/out-of-town trips). i don't want to go into too much detail lest i expose myself but she gave me a head's up that she's talking to the big boss about selling a fucking ad on my cover! are you kidding me? god i would love to be a journalism professor so i could tell all those wide-eyed budding journalists that the separation between church and state (edit and ads) is really a stupid myth they lure you into believing. i realize we have to make money but where the hell do you draw the line? why do we even pretend to have any editorial integrity when it can be bought when times are tough? i'm so disgusted right now i could just hurl. i want out.

4. the economy sucks ass. the hubs informed me that jointly our 401Ks have lost money every day since jan. 1. i realize these are long term investments and we have other coals in the fire but fuck, the way this is going when (if) we ever get to retire i'm going to be eating (cheap) cat food and living in a shed.

5. since before christmas, aside from a handful of family functions, we haven't done anything social with my bro/sil/nephew or friends. this is nobody's fault but our own. either i've been out of town or just got back into town or the hubs has been out of town or we've had school/scout related crap going on. i'm ready for an adult weekend.

6. i want someone to invent disposable clothes because i'm so fucking tired of washing clothes and folding clothes and hanging clothes and putting clothes away that i'm really tempted to move to a nudist colony. ok, not really cos i'm too self-conscious, but i can see where it would have its appeal.

7. i think i've been thinking this for quite some time but i really am beginning to hate my job. i used to console myself that there were at least parts of it i liked. i love many of my co-workers and some have become my best friends. i even like some of the people in my industry. i like writing. but that life/balance scale is not tipping anywhere near where i want it to. i realize that many (most?) people don't really like their jobs but i can't help thinking that that's not the way it's supposed to be. you shouldn't have to compromise your beliefs or ethics or sacrifice so much of your personal life for a job.

i just want to scream FUCK at the top of my lungs and stomp and cuss and cry and beat the shit out of someone.

maybe i'll make some brownies instead.

waiting

i'm not a patient person. i know, you can't believe it right? anyway, sometimes parts of my job involve waiting on others to get their part done before i can do my next part. that's where i am right now. so i'm cleaning out emails, trying to work on other projects, etc.

cleaning out emails means i finally get to peruse the quotes of the day i subscribe to so i thought i'd share a few.

enjoy!

(this is from the writer's almanac, not a quote but still share-worthy)

"The Kiss" by Stephen Dunn from Everything Else in the World. (c) W.W. Norton & Company, 2008.
The Kiss

She pressed her lips to mind.
--a typo
How many years I must have yearned
for someone's lips against mind.
Pheromones, newly born, were floating
between us. There was hardly any air.

She kissed me again, reaching that place that sends messages to toes and fingertips, then all the way to something like home.
Some music was playing on its own.

Nothing like a woman who knows
to kiss the right thing at the right time, then kisses the things she's missed.
How had I ever settled for less?

I was thinking this is intelligence,
this is the wisest tongue
since the Oracle got into a Greek's ear,
speaking sense. It's the Good,

defining itself. I was out of my mind.
She was in. we married as soon as we could.

Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an
approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long.

-- Leonard Bernstein

All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath.

-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to
go to the store for a quart of milk.

-- Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Three Doctors, 1993

lost

i get stuck on certain TV shows and often am not "hip" to what's currently on. i never got into survivor, 24, grey's anatomy, etc. even my all time favorite show (that i have referenced ad nauseum here) west wing, we didn't watch when it was new. we fell in love with west wing after it had ran its course. of course now that we have all seasons on dvd and have watched it through at least 10 times i still love it. anyway, we had never watched lost. several friends have told me about it and have the commitment to it that i have to west wing. donut let us borrow the first season on dvd (which i think is always the best way to go on these types of things). we watched three episodes last night and i think i'm hooked. omg--it's very intense. i will keep you posted on how this love affair with a new show turns out.

we also are lost on what to do with the kids. yes i go on and on about how great they are, they're smart and funny and each have specific talents that they totally rock at, but dammit, i have perhaps the most spoiled, ungrateful kids on the planet and i don't know how to change them. right now the hubs is in there talking to them yet again.

yesterday when we were running our errands, grocery, etc. they each wanted to go different places and we said we'd do that today. the girl wanted to shop for yarn (she's a knitting machine) and the boy wanted to shop for coins (for his growing coin collection). so the boys went coin shopping and to get hair cuts and the girl and i went yarn shopping and clothes shopping for me. while buying yarn the girl also found the latest webkinz. (they get an allowance and have to save their money for these purchases.)

so when we all got home everyone was happy. briefly. the boy wanted to get the new webkinz. the girl formed a plan to ask if the hubs would take them back out, another special trip, to get him a webkinz. never mind that we'd made special trips for them earlier today and never mind that the boy didn't even have enough allowance left to buy the webkinz (the girl was going to makeup the difference she said.) we said no, we aren't going back out but next weekend when the boy has more allowance we can go. they pouted and threw fits. the hubs tried to talk to them about their greed an ungratefulness. the girl kept running her mouth. so the hubs took away allowances (spankings don't really work for them plus i think they're getting too old for them; i don't like spankings anyway). the girl was sent to her room for her sassiness. she's typically the instigator in these things.

how in the hell do you make kids realize how good they have it? how do you make them thankful for the things you do? no, i don't expect nor want them to fall all over me anytime i do something for them, it's my job, i like doing for them, they are my life. but when you do something and the very next thought in their head is what's next? what else can i get or will you do....it just pisses me off.

things that make me happy

times are tough and i'm really trying not to fall into a black hole of despair. the conference is a week away and for some strange reason i'm not getting nervous. perhaps that will come later in the week. big picture though i'm not too secure in the job. economic climate, memos, etc. contribute to this factor. the hubs--also in the same boat. we are socking the refund checks away (and not going to disney world just yet) and the hubs has a certain fear about things getting worse before they get better on the economic front. he's not usually the alarmist in the family so it sort of has me worried too. i feel like we're hunkering down, preparing, bolstering ourselves for something not good.

so, rather than rehash all of that and potentially bring myself down i'm going to share with you a few things that make me happy. the idea for this post actually started on the way to work one day as the radio djs were talking about things that cracked them up that other people didn't understand. i was going to post about that but morphed it into things that make me happy.

* the perfect cup of coffee. this is hard to describe. i don't always make the perfect cup. it has to be the right strength, blended with just the right amount of cream. this morning i have the perfect cup. usually i just make a good cup (if you like strong coffee that is).

* this joke, stupid as it is, always cracks me up. i'm sure it doesn't translate in writing:
knock knock.
who's there?
interrupting cow.
interrupting cow wh...
mooooo!
; ) get it ? it really makes me laugh hysterically for some reason.

*sleeping in on the weekends. omg, i totally love sleeping in. it's the lazy, snuggling up, lolling in bed, shutting the rest of the world out, cozy, comfy time. then it gets to be about 10:30 and i have to pee or the dogs want out or the kids start fighting : )

*when i randomly do something unexpected for the hubs and he's moved by it. this could be something totally unimportant and it makes me think i need to do that more often.

*when my bro and the hubs get on a comic roll it can be quite entertaining. it's never planned or scripted. they can be funny together. ninja (donut's hubby) also cracks me up. he has that quiet, unassuming humor.

*cuddling. i love when i'm sitting somewhere and my kids just randomly come up and snuggle with me. they do this a lot, well more than most kids do i think. i know we never did that to my parents growing up. it's a bittersweet feeling because i bask in it, knowing that at some point they'll be too big to sit on my lap. i also love curling up next to the hubs on the couch. this typically turns into the kids piling on too and it gets too much and not comfy. arms, elbows everywhere. it's like the kids can't stand to see us being close without them being involved.

*a great, simple dinner. last night the hubs grilled awesome steaks, we had texas toast, baked potatoes, peas (for them), asparagus (for me) and deviled eggs. (i don't like cooked peas so much).

2 hr delay

earlier today i heard reports that we are supposed to get some freezing something possibly snow...weather. shit. it's not a good time for this. though i'm slowly crawling toward my deadlines (we close the issue on MONDAY) i still have a lot, i'm talking a lot to do.

(why am i not fervently working on it now you may ask??? cos i'm at home and brain dead for work and can't write another work word today thank you very much).

anyway. it is dry as a bone outside. nothing is falling from the sky, not even bits and pieces of the blown up satellite. nothing is happening outside. i was feeling good. however....we are already on a two hour school delay tomorrow. really? really? wtf?????

disjointed thursday

*i just watched four episodes (thank you dvr) of john and kate plus 8. i love that show. for a half a second i wondered what it would be like to have your life filmed like that then i jerked back to reality. and, though i've never been attracted to asian men, i think john is cute. (maybe if john has a sister they could be our swap couple since rod (stewart) and rachel (that bitch) divorced years ago ruining our other swap couple.)

*the kids were playing this electronic version of are you smarter than a fifth grader (cos we can't figure out the board game) and the girl asked if there were any living orgasms on the moon : ) the hubs recounted this story to me at dinner and of course the girl asked what's an orgasm. dear lord help us all. the hubs said, ask you mom. thanks honey! i said (as i got up from the table and walked to the sink so i wouldn't have to look at her) it is when semen comes out of the penis. (yes, my kids know these terms, i don't hold back). she said, oh, like on csi when they get that light out and there is semen all over the bed? yes, i said. i thought to myself, hold on here a minute, she can't go through life thinking men are the only one's who have orgasms. so i said, men and women both have orgasms, it's part of sex. and that was that. we have the ODDEST dinner conversations.

*we were talking about john mccain also at dinner and his alleged affair. i said i don't care what he does or did in his private life (didn't care that clinton did it either except he did it in the white house and i just personally feel he should have taken that shit outside of work). this led to a discussion about cheating in general and if you would tell your friend if their spouse was cheating. i said if it was just an acquaintance, someone i wasn't really close to, i probably wouldn't get involved, but if it was one of my true friends i'd tell them. so then the hubs said that's a good way to lose a friend cos then if the couple makes up you could never hang out with them again cos the dude would be pissed at you. what would you do?

*pajamas--what's your preference? i think the hubs gets short changed in the hot pajama gig. i go for comfort (not to say i don't have some SPECIAL things, but you know i don't wear them often) and wear pajama bottoms and t-shirts or sometimes sweat shirts. i have two pair of matching pjs but the rest are a hodge podge. what's the norm on female pajamas?

*male pajamas--the hubs has some lounge pants/pajama bottoms for winter, though most often...ok, i don't want to out him that's not fair (he sleeps in boxers). i think matching pjs for guys are retarded and make me think of father knows best. no thanks. men's underwear--boxers, briefs, boxer/briefs or thongs. hell no on the thongs. really, those are gross. i prefer boxers, they're hot.

*i said hot way too many times in this post didn't i?

*as i said before, the hubs has taken over as cfo this year (thank you god). he is anal retentive about it. the whole thing has been enlightening. the hubs sees why i was so crazy from time to time (at least about money) and realizes that it's hard being the one to say yes or no when it comes time to spend or save. initially i was a bit...i don't know, put out? pissed is too harsh, put out that i was getting an "allowance." basically i get lunch money (or i can spend it on whatever) every week. it sounds childish but it's mostly working. he's always had his eye on the big picture and been involved with that and steered us where we need to be going, but the day to day stuff was my gig. anyway, he's starting to freak out about the economy and the almost certain recession we're headed for. my materialistic man is actually advocating....save save save. holy sock away the money batman! it's quite interesting. that used to be me! now i'm the one saying, oh, c'mon let's go out to eat tonight. or oh, c'mon let's check out that new airline that you can fly places for $10 and go to dc or ny for spring break with the kids. how bizarre is that? it's odd really because our rolls have almost completely switched.

*omg, spellcheck works again! color me HAPPY. i love spell check. it doesn't like the words hodge and podge though. wtf?

total eclipse of the heart

you had to see that coming right? :)

i tried to see it, but we didn't get a great view because of all the cloud coverage. other stellar news from last night is that we shot down one of our spy satellites. nothing like knowing a mass the size of a city bus is hurtling to earth to make for a great day huh? chicken little be damned.

procrastinating

you'd think i don't have 12 gabillion stories to write that should have been done yesterday, but i have this disease---procrastination.

besides, my bro just sent me these and though i've seen most of them before i think they're hysterical.

enjoy

blog thoughts

while i was in ny i didn't have access to many of the blogs i regulary read. i should add them to my links i suppose but i don't really know blogging etiquette. should i ask first? i only comment on one or two of them; i lurk on the others. the ones i lurk on usually have lots of commenters and most of them are women and for some reason i feel like i just walked into a stranger's pampered chef party without being invited and they all know each other and are looking at me like i'm wearing spandex or something.

so tonight after the hubs crashed on the couch and the kids were in bed i caught up on my reading. what does that say about me that i'm so interested in total stranger's lives? sometimes, if i really like the blog and the comments i follow the comments to their blogs. i've found a lot of cool (to me) blogs that way.

being that i'm pretty technologically illiterate, i didn't realize my own blog isn't in my profile so people can't make their way to my blog like that. i guess that could be a good or bad thing.

it's interesting to read so many different blogs because people blog for so many different reasons. some are like me and basically are just journaling out loud as it were. others use it as a soap box, and that's fine too. some blog about hobbies. lots, and lots and lots, blog only about their kids. i love my kids, but damn. some blog to hit on other bloggers or flirt or whatever. i find these blogs interesting too.

some people who've been blogging for years (oddly enough though i feel like i've been doing this forever i haven't done it as long as lots of other people) just sort of get tired of it and shut down. i wonder if i'll ever get to that point?

sometimes i lament that i don't have more readers/commenters but in all actuality i sort of like it like that. i have a small fear of being discovered. perhaps i am naive in my thoughts that the people who would be hurt by reading some posts (my extended family) wouldn't have the first clue about how to find my blog or even know what a blog is. though i have posted some details about work-related stuff i don't know that i've really said enough here that would get me fired. my friends/family who read this pretty much know how crazy i am anyway, and if they didn't they certainly do now. i think probably the only one i've ever really shocked has been my sil. : )

i like blogger that post a lot. i hate visiting a blog to find out it's been days or weeks since they've posted. i feel let down. like it's their duty to entertain me.

sometimes i wonder if the person walking down the street or driving in a car beside me or standing behind the counter is one of the bloggers i read. i don't often pay attention to where someone is from (unless it's a common thread or mention in their posts). would we be friends in real life?

non sequitor:
mitzvah--it's hebrew for commandment but it also means doing an act of human kindness; a good deed if you will. i like this word. i heard it this weekend and spanx clued me in as to what it means. (also goes with bar and bat mitzvah). anyway i heard it because this woman said, i did a little mitzvah for someone. hmmm, yes, much like a good deed you aren't supposed to tell a mitzvah, it defeats the purpose. my mom does this all the time--takes the credit for anything she considers a mitzvah.

part of the 12 step program is to do a mitzvah every day. not a bad rule of thumb to live by for pretty much every breathing body in my mind.

f-bomb

if you've read my blog for oh i don't know, more than one post, you know i like to say fuck. it's just a good word. it's an adjective (that's fucking great), verb, (love doing the verb), noun (i don't give a fuck) and of course explative in so many, many forms. despite my love of the word i refrain from saying it around the kids. i figure my 11 and 8 year olds hear it elsewhere (on the bus for example, according to the boy) and from my dad.

this evening, however, i let it fly. out of nowhere it flew out of my mouth. the hubs, girl and i were making dinner. i was opening a can, you know the kind with that fucked up hinge thing on it like a key? i broke the key off and without thinking i said fuck! the girl laughed the hubs tried not to and i was stunned.

the girl: mooooooommmmmm you said the f word.
me: yeah, i know, i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said that.
the hubs: yeah mommy shouldn't have said that (totally egging me on).
the girl: what made you say that?
me: i don't know it just slipped out.
the girl: how did that slip out if you don't normally say that? (this took me back about 25 years when my mom asked the same thing when i slipped up and said jesus christ in front of her. i got smacked for that one.)
the hubs: mom said the f-word.
me: i don't know girl, i shouldn't have said it, that's not a good word.
the girl: it's probably cos you just got back from ny.
me: uh, no.
then i proceeded to tell her people in ny are perfectly nice. i have no idea why she thinks new yorkers go around saying fuck.

this evening she also asked the hubs if he had a vascectomy; she said the cats were humping and then she asked if rebel (the male cat) had his johnson cut off when he was fixed. (of course she thought a johnson meant balls). dear lord where did these words come from?

total non sequitor
so, we've sort of covered (or uncovered) the hoohoo shaving issue. guys love it, some girls do, some don't. what about legs? yes, of course when you're trying to trap, i mean woo, a guy you shave your legs every day. (i want to know how to type stuff and then make it look like i've scratched it out--anyone know how to do that?) after the honeymoon is over and you've been together for, oh i don't know, almost 16 years, you don't necessarily shave the legs every day. granted, as i've said before, i'm not a hairy person. during another girl chat today we've decided that after a certain point in a relationship the guy doesn't pay a whole helluva lot of attention to your legs anyway (or maybe we are with men who aren't leg men?) so why bother.

i don't go months at a time without shaving them (i won't mention any names) but usually during the winter i don't shave them each and every day. frankly, if i were single and not having sex i probably wouldn't shave them except in the spring/summer. not that i don't like to be well groomed, but if nobody was seeing it it doesn't bother me.

feel free to discuss.
and, what's your favorite dirty word?

quickies

*i am amazed by the things people talk about when they're out in public, like nobody around them can hear them, especially in a work-related situation.

*i have to disspell the myth that new yorkers are rude. i am in nyc at least once a year for work and i have never had a bad experience with people being rude to me. on the contrary most people i've come in contact with have been incredibly friendly/polite.

*it should be illegal for airplanes to be so jam packed and uncomfortable. i typically don't have a problem flying (i don't like sitting on the tarmac cos i get clausterphobic, but flying itself doesn't wig me out) but last nights flight home was sort of bumpy, lots of turbulence. i briefly thought oh fuck we're going to crash.

*i finished the handmaiden's tale. i'm going to read it again before i return it. it's disturbed me again. you'd think, given that i read and write pretty much for a living, that i could write a good book review that would suck you in and make you want to read this book, but i can't. i feel books, like i do music, and then can't describe them. it's a feeling not a word. anyway, the book is good and you should read it. i may try to write about it more when my brain is actually working.

*not only was the house (and garage) clean when i got home (finally) last night (it usually is) but the hubs had also changed the kitty litter and done laundry! wow.

*people should not be allowed to wear cologne/perfume on airplanes. especially the flight attendants.

*my ny brushes with fame (and i use that term very loosely) include marie osmond and bindi, the crocodile hunter's daughter. oh, and the founder of pound puppies. yes, you can be awed now.

*bernard and doris, movie on hbo about tobacco heiress doris duke and her butler, is a good movie. i watched it for the second time this weekend. susan sarandon and ralph feinnes.

*i forgot to take pictures of this from the hotel--but it had an intimacy kit for sale in the bathroom : ) 2 condoms, lube and "moist towelettes;" i would have bought it just for the fun of it to bring home but it was $8. really? c'mon.

*this is another brush with fame from this week--yes, indiana jones. don't look to close, yes, he's made out of legos. how fucking cool is that????

*i literally passed out about half hour after i got home last night. we made up for it this morning before work (see post headline if you're confused).

*my sister actually repaid us the money she borrowed in september. ha. i'm stunned. hey bro--guess next time you're invited to dinner at mom's you'll go huh? : )

bigger than a bread basket

perhaps you'll remember the closet i slept in the last time i was in ny? (see older blog posts cos i'm too lazy to look up the link).

this room is much, much better, see?

see that shelf with the ice bucket? that's where the candle was (and the smoke detector is right above that).

this is perhaps the most comfortable bed i've ever had in a hotel.

yes, that's a flat screen tv mounted on the wall. (guys and dolls, but i'm not really watching it). the tv could be bigger because when you're laying in bed it's hard to read stuff on the screen (or maybe it's just because i'm going blind?).

this is my view at night (same as during the day, but, you know, without the sunshine)

and this is the scarf the girl knitted for me. today a woman on the street said "that's a great scarf." i was so proud : )

i have walked 10,000 miles

ok, not really but omg it feels like it. let me give you the low down. my appointment this morning was at 11 w 25th street. not too bad, i’m on madison and e 31st street. i got coffee and sat in madison square park until my appointment time.

it went fine. who knew the smurfs are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year? did you know? apparently they were big before they hit us on tv in the 80s.

after the appointment i went back to my hotel to drop of my stuff and figured i’d walk to the three stores i was visiting. two of them were near the 7th ave and 25th street area so no biggie.

the third one was in soho. on the map this doesn’t look so far. driving directions didn’t look so far. fuck, it was FAR! i walked past madison square park, through the flatiron district, such a cool building, and kept walking. i thought i was going to die. in greenwich village i stopped in washington square park to sit down, smoke, call the hubs, etc. my legs felt like jelly. oh, and it’s fucking cold out.

back to the excursion. past nyu—looks like a cool school. i actually contemplated attending it for a day when i was in high school and my chemistry teacher (a new yorker) spoke so highly of it. down to soho. so just going one way down it was more than 30 blocks. that would be if it was straight down, but noooooo i walked sideways blocks too since i obviously don’t know how to follow a map. prince street, spring street, wooster, near canal, oh yeah, i was hella lost. finally found the store. from start to finish i was out and about walking for three hours.

needless to say i’m frozen and exhausted. i ordered room service. i thought i was doing well, salad, burger, slice of cake, milk. god i was craving some milk. it was $54! can you believe that shit? yes, it’s on the company’s dime but still that’s just crazy.

i didn’t go to the museum of sex or gugenheim, not enough time and now i’m too wiped out. sunday and monday i’ll be tied up all day and not able to get out and about. frankly, i’m ready to go home.

new york; moma; museum of sex

i really did have every intention of getting up early, cos it still is a work day even though i'm not in the office; the alarm was set for 8:30 a.m. at 10 a.m. i finally got up and made my rounds again visiting showrooms.

i got a cup of coffee and stumbled upon a park to sit in, i think it was madison park. anyway, it was a place to sit down and have a cup of coffee and a smoke. several things always amaze me about ny. one is the incredible architecture. another is how many people are out and about, walking around between the hours of 9-5. i guess i assume everyone should be at work. i was also amazed at the number of people strolling babies (it’s 30+ degrees outside!) and the number of bugaboo strollers.

some of the showrooms i visited are on the same street as the museum of sex. interesting. maybe i should check it out. wonder what they’d have in their gift shop?

my last appointment was near macy’s so i walked around in there. maybe it’s because I’m not a shopper extraordinaire, but that place really doesn’t do anything for me.

this evening i went to moma—free entrance on friday nights. omg. i wish the hubs and kids could have been here, especially the boy. he would have loved it. all in all i’m not a huge modern art fan, some of it i really do not get at all. i try, but don’t. however, i love museums. walking in my heart started beating faster. i can’t remember the last time i was in a museum. the hubs and i went to the louve when i was in high school, and even though i loved art then i think i’d probably have a big O if i went there now. the boy says his dream in life is to see the mona lisa at the louve. i wandered around and then i almost fainted with delight. i saw seurats, gaugins, cezannes and van goghs. i saw starry night. i was mesmerized. pollack, i love his stuff too. then, i turned a corner and was dumb struck. one of monet’s huge water lily paintings. i honestly got tears in my eyes. seeing these paintings that i so readily recognized, have seen in books and prints so many time before, studied in high school and have loved forever, it was like finding an old friend. i felt like talking to these paintings. i just stood there, almost crying, wishing the hubs was there to share it with me. i am so very very glad i went there. i was moved and can’t even begin to describe it.

a few other observations, aside from my emotional response to the art—lots of people were making out in the museum. really? i’m not talking teenagers, i’m talking grown people playing tonsil hockey. perhaps the art moved them too. i love me some kissing, that’s no secret, but i really don’t like just laying a big sloppy one on the hubs when we’re out and about. it’s personal, private. one thing i didn’t like about the museum is that it had these open walkway areas where you could look over the glass sides all the way down to the lobby. fifth floor, open all the way down. i had to walk in the middle of the walkway and keep looking straight or i’m pretty sure i would have hurled.

tomorrow i have one appointment and a few stores to visit. im thinking about the sex museum and/or the gugenheim tomorrow.

talking to the kids this time has been interesting. last night the girl talked for a long time, actually asked me what i did, what i do when i go out of town, and better still she seemed interested. when i told the boy tonight that i’d gone to moma his first question was if i’d seen the mona lisa. i told him the paintings i’d seen and he knew what i was talking about. god i have awesome kids.

this trip really affirms my thoughts on bringing the family up here. we’d have to stay outside the city cos it’s hella expensive, but i think they’d have such a blast. i want to experience it with them.

happy valentine's day

this was my day: (*i tried to post this last night but obviously it didn't work)

4:30 a.m. wake up, wondering if my 7:30 a.m. flight will be cancelled or at least delayed since we received a whopping 2-3 inches of snow. school (at that point) was delayed 2 hours.

no such luck--the flight is still on. hoofuckingray.


i leave the house a little after 6:oo a.m. after the hubs de-snow/ices the car. it takes me more than 45 minutes to get to the airport cos i'm being careful and the roads are a little icy.


6:55 a.m. i get to the airport garage, get all my shit out of the car and head to the terminal.


7:00 a.m. i slip on the ice, fall down to one knee (it is now skinned and bruised, which i keep forgetting and putting pressure on and it hurts) and am pretty much ready to call it a day. (i have a bruise and a skinned knee and it's tender. i think i pulled a thigh muscle in the process. just call me grace.)


7:10 a.m. get to the ticket counter and then through security and at the gate by 7:25 for the 7:30 flight.


it was uneventful (though i did start reading the handmaiden's tale, loaned to me by spanx; i had forgotten how disturbing this book is) and there is absolutely no white stuff anywhere near nyc. this is a good thing cos i wasn't looking forward to walking around in that shit all day.


get to the hotel, swanky. perhaps i'll take a pic and share it cos it certainly isn't like that closet i stayed in last year. i'm too lazy to look for the link, plus the computer connection is wiggy and i'm typing on borrowed time as it is. however, much like every other freaking place in this city it is now totally smoke free. i panic.


however, shortly after i got to the room and did the normal inspection i discovered that not only does the window open a bit (a total rarity in ny) but there is a candle in the room! yeah, i know, never had a candle in the room, other than the one i usually travel with cos i don't like the smoke smell. so, i crack the window a bit and light the candle and damned if the smoke alarm didn't go off! the candle is right under the smoke alarm. it went off for about 2 minutes then quit. no one came to check on me though. good thing i wasn't dying of smoke inhalation or something.


so i went out and did my work stuff. it really wasn't as bad as i was dreading, mainly because it was all in walking distance from my hotel. i will have more work stuff to do tomorrow, though not as much and i'm really thinking about going to a museum (moma perhaps) cos i heard they're free on fridays. hmm, we'll see.


i came back to the swanky room, the bed is so comfortable, and crashed for an hour. then i got some take out (which was awful) and coffee (which was good) and tried to check work email. the connection is wiggy as i said and it's not working the way it's supposed to. i'll try again tomorrow.


meanwhile, i moved the candle out from under the smoke detector and cracked the window again so i can smoke in my room.


non sequitor:

did you know that tarjay sells chocolate body paint kits? yes! it's true cos i got the hubs one for valentine's day : )

hairless pets?

even though i'm off to ny tomorrow don't despair, i'm sure i'll be blogging from there. what the hell else am i going to do alone in my room at night? oh, well, yeah there is that, but c'mon : )

anyway, another question for you.

shaving. oddly enough the topic of shaving the naughty bits came up at lunch today and even more oddly i wasn't the one to bring it up. nice lunch convo huh? anyhoo. there were five girls at the table and two regularly shave/trim mow the lawn (one does waxing, ouch!) one i didn't quite get her answer and the other doesn't.

also oddly enough i didn't know how to ask the questions i was dying to ask. namely these--do people shave for the sheer sexual benefits (what guy doesn't like a shaved hoohoo?) or is it strictly for hygeine/maintenance?

though i do not shave every week i do periodically go totally hairless. i don't do it for the maintenance factor cos frankly i've never been very hirsute.

on the flip side, i don't like shaved male naughty bits.

what's your preference? and, more importantly, if you do shave, what method works best for you? how do you avoid the stubble/itch factor that inevitably follows? do you use a special shaving cream? i found one, no lie, this was the name, couchie cream. it worked really well but you had to order it on the web and i forgot where we got it.

why i am a candy ass

lucky you, two posts in one night. what can i say? the hubs crashed on the couch as soon as he got back from his work trip today and though i'm drained my brain is all a flutter.

i am a candy ass because i have to go to nyc thursday-monday for work and aside from sunday and part of monday i will be alone. check the calendar--i will be in nyc on valentine's day. alone. i really and truly do not like valentine's day in general. it is a shit fest of retail motivated mush and if you have to be told by the consumerism machine to tell me you love me then you really don't. having said that, it sucks balls that i will be alone. room service anyone? pathetic.

aside from being away from home on v-day, i'm a candy ass because i hate being in ny by myself. i turn into a helpless idiot there. nevermind that i've lived in a foreign country and managed to find my way around just fine thank you. nevermind that i've been alone (and even driven in) big cities like chicago (ok, so ONE time i drove the wrong way down a one way street) and atlanta. i've flown to and been alone in cologne. but nyc freaks me out. i love it on principle, love it for the city of energy and history and culture it is, but i hate being there alone. i hate hailing cabs and not knowing where i'm going. and if one more person tells me, but it's set up on a grid, it's soooo easy to get around, blah blah blah. not for me. i don't get it. i just don't get it. i feel like a lost child in that city. i feel like everyone looks at me and says, oh gawd, she's not from around here. though i doubt new yorkers would say that. fucking tourist is what they'd say. but i'm not a tourist, i'm not there for fun, it's work. ugh. i just dread this trip so much.

hard vs. soft or primal vs. ethereal

ok, some of you were brave (though cloaked behind anon) and commented on the predelections post--yay you--and i guess it didn't do anything scientific but it did make me feel like i'm not a freak.

in that regard i have another question. this isn't TOO personal, like i'm not asking for details, cos ewww that would be tmi, but i'm curious if i'm the only one who does this.

for the sake of my question i'm assuming there are two major "love" moods. there is the omg i am soooo very horny and i don't care where or how we do it but i want to do it now and it's hard and fast and you don't really talk (or if you do it's dirty) and it's just primal. then there is the omg, i love you so much i just want to climb inside you and live there forever and snuggle close to you and slowly, softly sensuously make love and become one and reach a higher plane than we ever thought possible.

actually i guess there's a third, more normal mood and that one is like it could go either way, it's good and lovely and wonderful but doesn't have quite the intensity of the other two. the two intense versions do not mix. it's like, uh, don't even try to be all hot and heavy when i'm in the slow and slinky phase, and vice versa.

am i the only one who does that?

non sequitors

a few of my crazy-ass friends and i were emailing today or maybe it was yesterday, i lose track of time these days, and lamenting about not seeing me lately. awwww, they like me, they really like me : ) anyway, just so you know, when the conference is over in march we're thinking of having a get together. it's been forever since we've had one. so, i'll keep you posted on that.

mrs. a--if you're still reading--wtf??? i check your blog daily and today it's gone. i hope everything is ok. you haven't posted in forever and have been lying low.

as you may know, the girl is in fifth grade this year (sniff sniff), her last year in elementary school. they have a fifth grade graduation, good lord don't you know i'll be a basket case that day?! and, for the yearbook they ask you to send in a baby picture of your student. tonight i was looking through pictures for the girl. omg i have the cutest fucking kids in the world! no, seriously, i know people say that cos they have to, but i really really do. i wish i wasn't all secretive and stuff about identity or i'd post them. instead i'm taking a few (hundred) in to work tomorrow to bore my coworkers to death. i also found some of me from different decades. even some pregnant ones of me. good lord.

i have ones from a looooonnnnngggg time ago with sweet t in them (from a cookout at crusty's), some of famous beth when the boy was a baby and there's even one of big t flipping me the bird at our first christmas party : ) nice ; ) god i have great friends.

dear lord are they ever going to fix the fucking spell checker???? you'd think i was a writer or editor or something and didn't need that shit.

the abcs of me

so enough of the sad posts. though i've pretty much spilled my guts on this thing time after time i thought it would be fun to do the abcs of me.

a---the absinthe drinker by degas is a painting that begs to have its story told; why is she sitting there, looking so dejected?

b---bacos, the crunchy fake kind? are gross; only real bacon bits for me

c---chicken, though i like eating it i really detest cooking it or touching/seeing it raw. the thought of the skin, eww, it creeps me out.

d---doodling, if you look around my desk you'll find i doodle all the time when i'm on the phone, or in a meeting. i like doodling.

e---ellen degeneres, the few times i've watched her talk show i've really liked it. i liked her back when she did stand up and had her own show. she just seems like a genuine, nice, funny person, someone i could be friends with.

f---fire, i love sitting by the firepit, poking in the fire, getting lost in the fire and playing with fire

g--- garden cairns have always fascinated me, i think it would be cool to have one in our yard

h---hark the herald angels sing is one of my favorite christmas songs

i---ice cream is something i totally binge on sometimes. i can go months without eating it and then i want to eat it every single night.

j---jello, not so much. i don't really like jello at all, unless of course it is a jello shooter and then hell ya!

k---kissing is one of my favorite things

l---lipstick, i'm not a big lipstick wearer. love me some lip balm or lip gloss, but lipstick, eh, never found a color i really liked. though back in the day when that pale pink/white lipstick was in i loved that color. i think i was in high school.

m---marshall university is my college alma mater

n---noses, my kids have my nose

o---opus, ah, my love. i started liking penguins (which led to the antarctica thing) after reading about opus in bloom county in high school.

p---pomegranites, i like the idea of them, i like the look of them, but damn they're hard to eat. i like the myth that goes along with them.

q---quotes, i collect them; i love them; i have pages and pages of them.

r---rain, raindrops, rain storms, all make me happy mostly. i love the sound/smell of them.

s---signals, i want to own just about everything in this catalog

t---trees are probably one of my favorite things. looking around our house you'll find a lot of tree pictures. i like trees.

u---ugly, i don't feel as ugly as i once did.

v---vices? yes, mary jane, cigs, procrastinating (is that a vice?)

w---williams is my very common maiden name.

x---most x words are about science so the only thing i have is x as in xs and os and i love both. so the x is supposed to be the kiss right? to me it should be the hug because it's like crossed arms.

y---yo yos, i never got the hang of yo yos.

z---zoos make me sad, seeing the animals all penned up for life

insert catchy title here

i suck at writing titles for my blogs. my friend gp always has a clever title, but me, not so much.

sorry if the last posts have been downers. i just can't stop thinking about those parents and their grief. the accident happened tuesday night around midnight. the parents had been out to dinner, i think there was a big sports game on that night. from what i understand the kid had been at home when they left (as were the two younger girls). they live right beside their grandparents. the mom had talked to the son about an hour before the accident. for some reason the kid left the house and was on his way back, driving down their road, when he lost control of the car, overcorrected and hit a tree. he was speeding. there were no drugs or alcohol involved. this is the worst, worst part--his parents were the first to find him when they were going home.

the hubs and i have been talking about it. i think we'd have to move. everytime you drove down the road you lived on you would be slapped in the face with that visual.

death is never ever an easy thing to handle but when someone young dies...i just don't know. i know i keep saying i can't imagine, but i guess i shouldn't because that dark corner of my psyche can't help but think oh my god what would i do? how would i get up every day?

i'll try not to post about this any more. i know it's a downer and not knowing the person i'm sure you're all like ok, yeah that's really sad but enough already.

life and death

the first time i woke up this morning i thought to myself, i really do not want to get out of bed. i do not want to face life today. the pain i've had in my mouth off and on this week is a sign that i really and truly am going to have to have my remaining three wisdom teeth violently removed this year. and soon. i am panicking about work and all the things i need to get done before the conference in march. i am disgusted because my house is such a wreck this week and when it's out of sorts i'm out of sorts. and, oh yeah, the girl and i had a funeral to go to today. i laid in bed a bit longer, and longer still until i had to put on my big girl panties and get out of bed. today is one of those days that i could have slept away and been happier for doing so.

the hubs took the girl to the viewing last night while i took the boy to the school award night to collect his perfect attendance recognition. he missed honor roll (though that's not what they call it in 2nd grade) because of on N on his report card. yes, it was for talking. i think that's totally ridiculous. and ridiculous still that you don't actually get grades, rather O, S, N or I until you get into 3rd or 4th grade. if you have all Os or Ss=As or Bs and you're above grade level in every subject a stupid N=need improvement, should not keep you off the honor roll. (the girl is on the honor roll btw.)

so i got out of bed and had coffee. lots of coffee. the girl and i went to the funeral. there is something basically wrong with the world when you have to go to a funeral for a 17 year old. as a parent you can't help but think, oh my god, what if that were me sitting in that front pew? you just can't. we went because the girl wanted to be there for her friend. i did not know the boy and only know the parents because our daughters are friends. even still it broke my heart. it made me think of this poem. i first met this poem in high school, we read it in english and i loved it. the next time i heard it was the first time i saw out of africa, one of my favorite movies. karin von blixen (meryl streep) reads this poem at dennis finch hatton's (robert redford) funeral.

To An Athlete Dying Young

THE time you won your town the race
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.

To-day, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields where glory does not stay,
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose.

Eyes the shady night has shut
Cannot see the record cut,
And silence sounds no worse than cheers
After earth has stopped the ears:

Now you will not swell the rout
Of lads that wore their honours out,
Runners whom renown outran
And the name died before the man.

So set, before its echoes fade,
The fleet foot on the sill of shade,
And hold to the low lintel up
The still-defended challenge-cup.

And round that early-laurelled head
Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,
And find unwithered on its curls
The garland briefer than a girl's.

sobering thoughts

tuesday night the girl's best friend's 17 year old brother was killed in a car accident. we don't know anything much aside from that, but it's devastating.

we did not personally know the boy, cos how much is a 17 year old actually going to hang out with his 11 year old sister and her friends, but we know the family casually and it's so sad.

i cannot even begin to imagine how those parents feel. it's unnatural for a parent to outlive their child. then i think about the little girl and her younger sister. this is a life altering event for them. devastating and unthinkable but also a pivotal moment that can't help but change things and influence who they are and who they will become.

i'm trying not to dwell on it but i know the girl is. i know it's working its way around her brain. the hubs heard it reported on the local radio station yesterday and when he picked the kids up from daycare he told them.

last night i had this dream that the girl and i were on some school trip, we were in a hotel and the hall was filled with kids. she was at one end of the hall and i was trying to get to her because these boys were picking on her. then another boy, a friend of her's was trying to help her and he whisked her away into the elevator. when i got to the elevator the doors opened and the boy was gone and my girl was lying on the floor beaten. i picked her up and raced to the front desk to call the hubs and then i woke up.

i don't want to think about this but it's like one of those horrific things that your mind just won't let go. like there's this miniature jack russell terrier running around in my head dragging out these unthinkable thoughts about my kids and cars and danger and my being powerless to protect them forever.

pred-elections

ok, it's really spelled predeliction but i wanted to play with words. if you're looking for talk about the elections, however, you should check out broad minded.

it should be noted that yesterday we had a straw poll at work and the results were announced today. obama had like 15% of the vote (the highest) but elmo got 8 votes. ; ) an no of course I didn't write him in. sheesh, you'd think i don't take politics seriously or something.

so back to the topic at hand. what are your predelictions? (you can go anonymous on these cos i know ya'll are shy).

i have to admit, back in the day i totally did not understand blow jobs. first, why the hell are they called blow jobs cos you don't blow. they should be suck and lick jobs. i'm just saying. since i didn't understand the nomenclature i didn't really understand how to do it. i have long since learned.

admittedly i did not always like giving and honestly did not believe girls that said they did. i thought they were nuts (no pun intended).

with age (shut up i'm only 39) i have evolved a bit and discovered that it's actually exciting to be a giver.

do you like giving? receiving? being spanked? toe sucking? role playing? anal? c'mon--go anon and tell your dirty little secrets. i dare ya!

training your men

yesterday the conversation came up about men and housework. it's an age-old dilemma.

before i start this post i have to admit that compared to other men, the hubs is perfect (and i'm not just saying that cos he took over the finances this year). he dusts, he cooks, he does all dog-related stuff, he vacuums. i'm sure there's other stuff but basically i just wanted to make it clear that he pulls his weight.

however...it was not always so and for years, years i tell you, this was a huge source of contention.

i did not understand why he could be sitting in the same living room i was and he wouldn't see the shoes all over the place (his) or socks (also his) or that it needed vacuumed. why didn't he see the dirty dishes in the sink (before we had a dishwasher)? was it really that hard to put the dirty clothes in the clothes basket instead of beside it? and the list could go on.

our standard argument was me whining because he didn't do anything. if i asked him to do it he would but i didn't understand why i had to ask. i'm not his mother. he's an adult. he has eyes. anyway, we spent years fussing and fighting over it. i nagged. he'd get better. then it would start all over again. i honestly don't know when the pivotal moment happened and he started helping out.

and saying helping out is condescending. he's not helping me out, it's not like it's all my shit and he's helping me with it. it's our shit (well, mostly it's the kids shit). we are partners in the house stuff. yes, sometimes i may still feel like i'm doing more or he may feel like he's doing more, but it all comes out in the wash (which has always been my job, as is the kitty litter).

one point he made in defense of men is that when we (women) are ready to clean we want things done on our time table. i may come home and think, ok, i'm going to do this this and this tonight and jump in and do it and get frustrated because he doesn't jump up and help. but his thoughts might be i'm going to kick back and relax for a little while and then jump on this this and this.

so, no, i do not have the omnipotent answer for how to get your men to do their share, but, as with anything involving relationships, it's about communication. lots and lots of communication. the hubs also suggested that getting rewarded for things is good too ; ) and i'm sure you know what he means. yes, i know, he's a pig sometimes but he's mine ; )

ps--is spellcheck working for anyone else? mine isn't.

shit-tastic day

don't you hate when you wake up and for no good reason you just know it's going to be a shit-tastic day?

we just closed our issue yesterday so typically today would be like, loaf, weed emails, etc. but no, i have an assload of stuff i need to do (and instead i'm blogging).

just take a peek at my life for the next little while, brought to you from the pages of my calendar:

tonight---coven, i mean scout, meeting for the boy and the hubs

tomorrow night---the hubs has to go out of town for work

friday---honors night at school (awwww, yes i have the smartest kids on the planet)

saturday---scout blue and gold banquet (yes, i have come to hate the coven and can't wait for the boy to get done w/ it)

sunday---scout sunday at church (we haven't been to church in a year)

monday---the girl has a dental appt. (cleaning)

Feb. 14-Feb. 18---me, out of town for work, cripes i dread this trip. and, though i really really do hate valentine's day because it's a false holiday and there's the pressure to prove your love to those you love when quite honestly i wake up every day loving the hubs more and more and wondering how the fuck i got so lucky and why it took me so long to realize how lucky i am (cos i was pretty much a bitch that first decade) i hate that i won't be home to share the false holiday.

Feb. 25--our next issue closes, less than a month between close dates---yeah that sucks ass.

Feb. 26---FIL's anuerysm surgery--the hubs may be going out of town for that

March 2-6---me, out of town for conference, i cannot wait for this to be over

i could go on but i won't bore you and depress myself even further.

ok i'm not really depressed, just have that black cloud feeling today.

shake it off--last night i did have a little happy warm moment though. i took the kids to skate night, which is pretty much me watching them skate with a bunch of other kids from their school. boring, however we hadn't been to the last few so i took them.

i really got choked up and almost cried watching my kids skate. totally stupid i know, they were just skating and the boy was all sweaty, but god they are gorgeous. the girl is so not graceful, but for a brief second there i did see grace in her and i saw a glimpse of the woman she's becoming. the hubs doesn't like to hear that, he sticks his head in the sand when i mention it, but she is turning into a woman.

self-absorbed

since my aunt described my parents as being self-absorbed something has been slithering around in the corners of my mind.

i think i'm self-absorbed. i've talked about this before, long time ago, about how i don't think i'm a very good friend and i think it goes hand in hand with being self-absorbed.

aside from the comment from my aunt it's also running through my mind because i've recently gotten back in touch with one of my best friends from high school. there were three of us, inseparable from 10th grade on. after high school, when we all moved back to the states and were scattered across the country, it was harder to keep up but two of us did for a long while.

then things happened, the last one being that i couldn't go to her wedding. honestly i don't remember all of the details now cos the altzheimer's is trickling in, but i know at the time the hubs and i were not doing well and finances were abysmal. i had just started w/ this company that requires a lot of travel, something i'd never done before, and basically life sucked. i have no doubt that better communication on my part would have helped the situation but i was so self-absorbed in what was going on in my life that i didn't follow through.

since then, which was several years ago, we've sent christmas cards and emailed a few times, but not much and i always missed her. i was sad and i guess a bit bitter and really didn't know how to fix things. i got a post card from her recently, she's expecting her first baby this spring. then i got a mass change of email email from her so i emailed her back. we're emailing back and forth now. will we ever get back to what we had? i don't know if you can after so long. i know that aside from the hubs she's my oldest friend.

she was probably the first person i met that i could be sarcastic with. it was so liberating. i always felt a bit less around her though, not because of anything she said or did, but because of my own insecurities/baggage. she was an only child and her parents had more money than we did (again, she never acted like a rich kid); she was smarter than me in things like math and science. she had cool clothes. she traveled. even after high school she was always such a strong, independent person and i felt like i never measured up to her. weird cos i loved her a lot, despite how i sometimes felt around her.

anyway, see how self-absorbed i am? ; ) . so, to you my friends and family, if you feel like i'm neglecting you or am not paying attention to what's going on in your life or you need me and i'm not there please please please tell me. i won't get mad. ok, i might a little but i will get over it and i will be glad that you're being honest with me. ok?