though what starts the argument varies from time to time, the arguing itself has become something of a morbid dance of sorts. do you find this to be the case in your relationships? like you could pretty much have the argument all by yourself because you know exactly what the other one will say?
first let me say that we did make up. we've gotten better at this over the years. i used to be very passive aggressive and just shut down at some point, huff and go off to bed. it could be a day or two before we got back on track. now we typically get it all out (sort of like a cancer) in the open and then make up in the same night. this is not to say that whatever the issue was gets resolved, but we have truces.
second i should also say that we do not argue like we used to. in the beginning we argued. a lot. the hubs says if he had a nickle for every time i threatened to divorce him we could put the kids through college. this was a learned behavior for me; my mom always said that. actually, over the last five years our fights haven't been nearly as hurtful and catastrophic and i don't threaten divorce anymore.
third--we don't argue in front of the kids. not the serious arguing. not the mean, button-pushing arguing. this is not to say they don't ever hear us have words with each other. but, since both of us grew up hearing the knock down drag out fights our parents waged at each other, we refuse to do that to our kids.
the thing is, the hubs and i are both so
part of the thing is, and i'm sure anyone in a long term relationship can understand this, that everyone at some point feels like they aren't appreciated. that they are taken for granted. everyone feels that from time to time right? each person feels like they're the one making the effort or doing this or that.
sometimes the day-to-day things in life smother you and the last thing on your mind is making your sig other feel special. it's not that they aren't the most important person in your life, but they get neglected. this is especially true when you throw in a couple of kids. the hubs and i need some us time.