Monday, January 26, 2009

10 little indians

up until today i was living in a bubble. of course i was not oblivious to what is going on in the world. i know people in my industry who have fallen on tough times, lost their jobs, made cut backs, etc. today, 10 people in our office were laid off. there were about 80 in our office (though the company itself is hellaciously huge w/ many offices all over the world). three of the 10 are very close friends of mine.

i have been through this before and while being one of the ones to lose your job makes you angry and scared and feel like throwing up, being one of the ones left makes you feel survivor guilt and incredible paranoia waiting for the other shoe to fall (because it always does) and it makes you want to throw up.

12 years ago i went through this w/ another company. it was a year long layoff process. the staff kept shrinking. we knew we were going under, yet the corporate office kept holding on. it was like cutting the gangrene out of a wound in the hopes that something would survive, but by the time they started cutting out the gangrene it was too late and everything died. we were finally down to five people in the office, i was stressed out beyond belief, and then the final axe came. i slipped into a depression that lasted for a couple of months. of course on top of that i thought god hated me and didn't want me to have a baby since we'd been trying for like five years and nothing had happened. i didn't know it at the time but i was pregnant then.

i'm not convinced i will not be laid off, not tomorrow, but before the year is out. part of me doesn't hate the thought because i am burnt out and have been dreading a layoff since last january and the last good thing about my job (my friends) is gone. i'm fairly certain i will not find a comparable job in my field here (or, at this time anywhere) and i'm not sure how qualified i am to do much else. but, as the hubs says, we will survive. we always do. i have him. i have my kids. and those things alone are what i live for. he reminds me we work to live we don't live to work. so true.

in an odd twist of fate my sister also lost her job today. she, however, is nonplussed. she'll get severance for a couple of months, then unemployment and then of course is her fall back plan, government assistance.

creative kerfuffle might not be the most fun thing to read in the days and weeks to come. i will try to snap out of this, but there are no promises. ck is my online journal, at least that's what it started as, so it has the good and the bad. if you don't want to read the bad, i understand, but i'll still have to write it. i won't blame you if you drop out of sight for awhile--there's nothing like reading doom and gloom when you've had enough of it in your own life. but i will still visit you from time to time and comment and be here, even if it's not obvious.

12 comments:

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Things right now are just so hard. We've had friends laid off left and right. And having a job is GREAT but the STRESS of possibly getting laid off is intense. The economy just needs to get better because this sucks.

Just B said...

We are all in this together, if that helps. I doubt many readers will abandon you (I won't) because you are expressing what so many of us are feeling. My husband's department has shrunk to half it's size in the last four months. He is just waiting...That's our daily joke when he comes home:Do you still have job? One of these days it might not be so funny.

broad minded said...

what can we do but joke about it? it isn't like anything you do will make a difference, these decisions are arbitrary and beyond our control.

i still think you should look into trying to become a teacher . . .

Anonymous said...

Sorry things suck right now. It is very weird to keep your job when others are let go. I'll be thinking of you and look forward to lunch on Thursday, whatever it ends up being!

Sweet T

Hotch Potchery said...

Well that just sucks ass. #1 to not really like your job, and then #2 having to worry about losing it? What a crappy Catch 22.

I am not going to abandon you just because you are going to be all morose and crap, I survived the Christmas penguin saga of 2008, I am here for the long haul!!

Kristin.... said...

Oh god I can't leave you. YOu still read me even though I bi#ch all the time. :)

Sorry to hear about the work stuff. It all just sucks.

drollgirl said...

i hope things get better soon. my neighbor, brother and several co-workers have gotten the axe. it is very stressful when you lose your job, or if you are the remaining person at work that gets to do the jobs of all that left. i am the one at work that didn't lose her job or get her hours cut in half, so i have the survivor's guilt and triple the work in a shit environment that is depressing as hell. good times, eh? i hope things bounce back soon. i, too, have been through this before and it is horrid. it's gotta get better, and hopefully soon. hang in there.

Tracy said...

I am sorry, that sounds really rough. Job stress is terrible and then when it leaks out into the rest of your life it is an even bigger suck hole.

Antoinette Meaterson said...

Oh wow. That sucks a lot. (I'm so creative)

Best wishes to you dear, and your friends that lost their jobs.

You're stuck with me I'm afraid. You're only one of 3 people that read my blog, I'm hanging on to you and not letting go!

Astarte said...

I completely understand about the waiting almost being worse. When I was finally laid off from my last job, it was after watching three other rounds in previous years, and then *knowing* I was going to be laid off, but not knowing *when*. Then, they gave no severance, no nothing. I didn't even get any real help getting my stuff to the car. It was as close to getting a kick in the ass as they could legally come, I think. Anyway, it was the best day of my professional life, in hindsight. That shitty job working for that horrible woman was killing me, and I would rather do just about anything than work for people that made me feel the way I did on a daily basis while I was there. Seriously, I would hang out a red light first.

creative kerfuffle said...

rather than comment on each of your comments, because i'd say the same thing to each of you, i just want to thank all of you for being so supportive. really, it means a great deal to me. you are all incredible people! : )

Sherendipity said...

I don't come here for you to cheer me up, lift my spirits and sing me a lullaby, babydoll. I come here because I care about you, like keeping in touch and knowing what's going on in your life, and I'm your friend.
(even if we're imaginary) =]
None of that is going to change, regardless of what you write. Well, unless you start being mean to me and calling me names, or something. That wouldn't be very nice at all.