holding my own

my fil made it through the triple bypass, though there for a while i was getting frantic. once they got in there they found something wrong with his valve and had to fix that before they could even start the bypass. i was freaking a little. talked to the hubs about a million times today. it doesn't help matters that they're in the same hospital where his mom died. the hubs sounded fine most times i talked to him, tired, stressed but holding his shit together. of course i wouldn't expect anything else from him. he's one of the strongest people i know to be honest. several times today i did lose it, cried a little quietly at my desk. oddly enough it was usually started when one of my friends tried to comfort me. why is that? anyway, he's out of surgery and so far so good. i realize this is just one of the hurdles. he made it off the table. now he has to make it through recovery. of course during the not knowing today my mind wouldn't let it go, kept thinking the worst, worrying it. like when you've lost a tooth and your tongue keeps going back to that tender hole in your mouth involuntarily? (the girl btw, has lost three incisors since the hubs has been gone). i just knew the hubs would call and tell me he'd died on the table.

then, like that wasn't enough the wife (aka the hub's aunt) brought up their wills. wtf???? i think i might just have bitch slapped her right then and there had i been there. she had the audacity to say that if she and the fil both died the stuff would be split six ways. six--meaning her two grown daughters would get a portion. really? really are you not fucking kidding me??? yes, we've pretty much known this would be the case, we assumed this would be the case, but if my fil has actually changed his will to include his two full-grown nieces after all of this shit that he's put his four kids through i will really puke. i could totally start a rant on this but i won't. i will be thankful he is ok and leave it at that. for now.

last night i actually crawled into bed at 10:30. i have not done that in like a million years. the girl was still awake so she came and slept with me. normally when the hubs is out of town one or both of the kids end up in my bed. she came and laid beside me and we talked like girlfriends. it was so incredibly.....wonderful. i kept thinking to myself that i needed to capture that time and bottle it. we talked about school, about her running for student council and how unfair it was that the popular kids always won. we talked about the hubs being gone and how we missed him. she said it was nice to talk to me without her being in trouble. that sort of made me sad. like the only time we talk is when she's in trouble? it's not, but that's her perception i suppose. we talked about stuff. it was sweet and i loved it. she spooned me and told me she'd help out this week. i wish i could wrap that moment up and keep it forever.

though the house has fallen back into the every day needs picking up mode, i did strip all three beds and put fresh sheets on them last night (even the boy's!).

i'm stressing a little now about not having my christmas shopping done. i went out at lunch today to do some but the 70 degree weather, combined with the not knowing how the fil's surgery was going sort of kept the christmasy shopping mood at bay.

so to recap the last few days--one hole in the ceiling, two bum legs (bruise on one and i think i pulled something in the other when i went down---my bro is getting way too much of a kick out of this!), three lost teeth, two cub scout meetings and as if my emotions weren't running high enough with that--i started my fucking period today. probably explains why i couldn't make up my mind what to wear and cried twice today. yeah, gotta love it.

ps--i just posted a draft i started a few days ago, my christmas list. scroll down if you care/dare : )