i was going to reply in the comments section about being in the room w/ donut but i got to typing and it was just too much.
(update--the hubs is in tenn. he's on his way to jackson---feel free to sing the johnny cash song here. i'm a johnny cash fan, and was before i saw walk the line---which is an awesome movie and makes me want to do joaquin, hell i even love the sound of his name---but i don't actually listen to his music on a regular basis. the hubs is in for rain for most of the trip, rain and fog.)
ok, back to babies, my favorite thing. for those of you that know me in real life, it may surprise you to know that when i went to college my first thought was to be an ob/gyn doctor. i wanted to deliver babies. don't worry, i got NO WHERE near reaching that goal. i had not researched this idea at all. i was not even remotely prepared. i just remember walking to that registrars office w/ the catalog of courses more excited than a kid that just got the sears catalog out of the mail box (remember those?). all of these classes? really? i can learn about this and that and ooh, jewish studies and geology? seriously nobody can tell me no? i read the catalog, my pulse racing. it was like finding everything you wanted to buy on sale 75% off right in front of you. cytotechnology---the study of cells, oooo, that sounds cool. anyway....i got swept away just like i do (omg epiphany) at a sale, buying things i don't really need but i have to because it's $2.78, it's 50% off i have to buy it. i decided to enroll in the college of science and get on track to become an ob/gyn.
the first semester of a freshman this really doesn't matter cos you're taking basic classes anyway. generic stuff. however, it was the biology 101 that did me in. specifically it was the 8 a.m. lab. not only did i not do 8 a.m. well but we had to do things like dissect a sheep eye and prick ourselves to see what blood type we were. i did none of those things. i skipped a lot of those labs, like 95% of them. i'm sure i flunked that part of the class. thank god i did well in the book part and pulled a b or c out of it for the semester. however, that taught me that i couldn't be a doctor.
so that's when i switched to the college of liberal arts and the rest is history.
the epiphany i had before is this---whether it's alcohol, peanut butter m&ms, college classes (and yes i really took jewish studies and wanted to convert for a bit and geology), sale racks, etc. when something is right there in front of me, immediate satisfaction, i do not know when to stop/say no. is that an addictive personality? i think yes.
ok, back to the babies again (sorry, i know this is a long post). i am not only incredibly (is there a bigger more expressive word? if so insert here) excited about being in the room w/ donut i am moved beyond measure. (and am still available in april if the sil makes this decision too! hint hint) i was in the room when my niece was born, and despite not being emotionally attached to my sister, it was a moving experience. it is one thing to know there is a baby in there and to know where babies come from but to actually witness a life emerging from another life---at that moment you simply cannot not believe in god. it really and truly is a miracle. simple fact.
and i know donut is not a religious person and it's not about religion but having kids changes something in you i think. i makes you realize there has to be something else, has to be something after this, has to be something bigger.