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you'd think as an editor i'd be able to write kick ass headlines, but alas, i can't. i can never sum up anything in just a few words. i'm wont to be cheesy and corny and attempt to be witty w/ headlines but then it ends up i'm the only one who understands them. so, eh, you got a crappy headline today.

i'm curious about something that's been sitting in the back, insecure, childish corner of my brain (of course it's a tiny space!). the idea is sitting there like a pouting kindergartner, head down, trying to act like it's focused on something incredibly fascinating on the floor when actually it's just pouting.

despite the fact that i've been blogging for what seems like ages, it's only been this year that i've ventured out to other blogs. probably only w/in the last six months or so that i've commented on other blogs. there are a few blogs i lurk on, simply because the blogger gets an assload of comments and i don't like getting lost in a crowd. then there are a few blogs that i'd been lurking on but finally came out and commented on and...nothing. i don't expect to become besties w/ everyone i read (though i have w/ many) but an acknowledgement would be nice. said bloggers either don't respond to comments in their own comments or maybe they email commentors, but not me. and, while i seriously do not stalk and comment in order to lure readers back to my web, i don't think said bloggers visit me. which is really, totally fine, but hello, SOME acknowledgement would be friendly. and the thing is, i really enjoy reading these blogs but am all like, wtf is wrong w/ me that you can't say hey, thanks for stopping by or SOMETHING??

of course this doesn't pertain to any of you. you are all lovely. really.

i know this sounds like whining (cos it is) but really and truly i'm in a kick ass mood today. tis friday; i'm about 80% done w/ my christmas shopping; i think we may be decorating the outside of the house this weekend; the hubs is home and i'm totally ready for the weekend to begin. now, please and thank you.

fed, sated and sleeping

that's the hubs right now.

my friend broad sent me an email today that was sort of a meme thing. you had to list 16 things about yourself. even though i've known broad and been good friends w/ her for...holy crap, almost 7 years! i gained some insight. this is especially odd because i have a circle of friends that is always doing those random test things (i totally get off on those no matter how many times we do them).

then i thought, cool, i'll do that on my blog. 16 things about me. but 16 is a lot and i tell you all stuff all the damn time about me. you're probably all like, holy crap she's posting AGAIN? that's four today. i think we need to stage an intervention or something. (it's the caffeine, i'm sure of it). i've told random things here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here..

oh.my.god. i had NO idea i'd told you so much! really, you could write a tell all book about me armed w/ all of that valuable information.

so rather than posting another list, cos i'm not sure there's anything left you don't know, ask me a question and i'll answer it.

knock knock? who's there? procrastination

sweet lord i'm so unbelievably unproductive today. my co-worker just sent me a press release about these. they freak me the hell out.

speaking of parties (oh? weren't we?), it has sort of become a tradition that we have a christmas party. we started it about six years ago when we bought a house and moved out of our trailer; trailer's don't have a lot of party room i'm here to tell ya. last year we didn't have the party because the hubs was in OK w/ his dad w/ some health issues. this year friends have started asking me, so are you having your party this year?

i must admit, that made me happy. i always worry that people just come because they're my friends and they don't want to hurt my feelings; because honestly? i'm not martha stewart and am not a stellar hostess.

there's no way in hell we can have one before christmas this year so we're thinking of having it after new year's eve. side note---i have NEVER been to a new year's eve party. ever. frankly, it doesn't really bother me. everyone i want to kiss is always w/ me that night anyway, watching poor dick clark and drinking welch's sparkling apple juice out of fancy wine glasses ; )

the hubs just called me (during the work day we talk to each other 0-5 times), he's on his way home from the coast and his eta is 5:30ish. yay. i bet i get laid tonight.

i have consumed about 6 cups of coffee today.

i told you the kids started their own blogs right? well, only a few short days into it and the boy is ALREADY bitching about not getting a lot of comments! dude, i've been doing this for like 3 fucking years are you kidding me? also, they're invitation only so it's not like 50 kabillion (why is gazillion a number but kabillion isn't?) (i hyperbole numbers way too much) people will be reading and commenting. and frankly, when i read it i wonder if he's found my weed stash cos dude is OUT there. bless his heart and love his little twisted creative mind.

i said frankly too often. just so you know, i do not actually speak the way i write, at least not out loud. i totally talk like this in my head but not among people, at least i don't think i do.

party tips

it's a festive time of year most likely filled with holiday parties with friends and families and office parties. i've put together a list of things not to do at a party. these are things that i have either witnessed or done at party.

1. if your spouse's boss is wearing an apron with a faux penis on it and he shows it to you, do not grasp it in your hands.

2. do not dirty dance or do the hustle with your spouse's boss.

3. do not listen to your spouse and one of your best friends' spouse's when they say it is fine to show them your ta tas.

4. do not wrestle with one of your best friends as it may cause a lingering bump on your head.

5. strip scrabble is not really an appropriate party game.

6. consuming vast amounts of spinach dip and hurling on your friend's dining room carpet and then passing out in said friend's son's bed is not appropriate.

7. when traveling from one location to another, always check to see who's in your car. it is not appropriate to loudly ask where the bitch is that's been hitting on your sig other all night only to find she's sitting in the seat behind you.

8. peeing on the president of the company's tires as his car is parked right in front of the entrance to the christmas party is not wise.

9. sitting with your spouse, the person you are boinking on the side and their spouse is not recommended. also, you should not dance with the person you are boinking.

10. puking out the window on the way home from a party is not a good idea. your spouse just might make you clean that splattered puke off the inside of the roof of the car the next day.

11. after your office party is over it is not recommended to crash another company's party and sing karaoke.

mornings: still the bane of my existance

four months into the school year. the school year where the girl has to get on a bus at 6:45-6:50 a.m. (a.m.=Amazingly, Mutherfuckinglyearly in CK's world). you'd think after four months that hearing the alarm go off at 6:20 (but it's really 6:00 because i set it fast on purpose to steal time from myself) would not make me physically ill. you'd think. and if you thought that, you'd be wrong.

it is now 7:01, i'm getting ready to get the boy up (he has to be at school at 8:20 but i drive him); the hubs is out of town, though he's coming home tonight. i am on my second cup of coffee and yet i still am not awake. i seriously want to crawl back into my flannel-sheeted bed and snooze for another 10 minutes, just 10, but i realize the faults in that plan. 10 minutes turns into 20 snugly warm ones and then 30 and then holy shit we're scrambling to get the boy to school.

a couple of weeks ago i had this grand plan. this thought came to me around 8-9 p.m., far removed from the satanic time of 6 a.m. i thought it would be an excellent (can't you just see me rubbing my hands together devilishly?) idea if i got up at 6, got the girl up and moving and then got on the treadmill while she was getting ready for school. what an efficient use of time! what a great, healthy thing to do!

as i sat here this morning at 6:21 a.m. with my cup of coffee i realized that will probably never happen. i.don't.function.well.in.the.morning. seriously, sleeping in is one of my most favorite things in the world.

and, it doesn't matter what time i got to bed. i can hear all you morning people now, just go to bed earlier, then you won't have a problem getting up. yes i will. sometimes i do actually keel over asleep at 9 pm (not often, but sometimes) and the next 6am is no easier to face than the last one.

*****
four months into the school year and the girl needs new everything. don't EVEN ask about fucking book bags. i think she has elebenty billion and just don't ask me about those things. we had to buy her new tennis shoes this week, she's outgrown the ones we got when school started. also? her pants---which we bought a mere 4 months ago---are turning into floods/high-waters/too short (what did you call them?) before my very eyes. oy vey, she may very well reach her goal of being taller than me (i'm a tall 5'4") but i didn't realize it would be THIS year!

*******
it is now 7:16. the boy is getting ready. i need to get ready or else i'm going to be wearing my pajamas (again) when i drop him off at school. really, what would be the harm in just wearing pajamas all the time? they're comfy. and, while i realize light green pajama bottoms, a purple t-shirt and a red and black penguin-covered flannel robe might not be the most stylish ensemble, it works for me; though i'm sure my co-workers would laugh at me behind my back.