that's me. two faced and possibly schizophrenic or bi-polar or just plain crazy. do they even label people as just plain crazy anymore? probably not.
for the last few months i have been floating along on this cloud made of rainbows and kitty cats and chocolate thinking, isn't this nice, i'm a sahm and it's cool and life is sweet and i am happy and i can do this. that cloud crashed into a fucking brick wall and hit so hard my teeth went flying one way and my brain the other.
though we aren't quite at the end of our rope we know it is near. we have had discussions that involve trying to sell the house. we have had discussions about looking for work outside of this state--meaning, a move. these are huge things. to me they are huge things.
my good days/bad days have gone into hyper drive and turned into good hours/bad hours. i need to stop. the hubs is beside himself trying to make me feel better, but i know he has all of the same worries i do. but, i do feel better this morning compared to yesterday.
the thing i don't understand is how all of my friends who've also lost their jobs can be ok. is everyone just lying to each other? i mean i sometimes feel like i'm the only fucking one worried about finding a job and wondering if we're going to lose our house and wondering wtf we're going to do if the situation doesn't change.
my mind is such a muddled swamp right now but some how i started making this list of things i've never done. there are lots of things i've NEVER done but this list is more about things i've never done that most people (or at least a lot of people) have.
1. i have never understood the draw of fiber optic home decor.
2. i never watched the x-files
3. i've never seen all of aliens or any of the matrix movies
4. i've never been skiing or water skiing
5. i've never been on a boat on the ocean