Wednesday, April 8, 2009

no humping day

i have a lot of random things floating around in this brain of mine so be prepared to be all over the place w/ this read.

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the hubs is on his way home (w/ his sister) from florida. the service was last night. he sounds so very drained, so very tired and eager to be home. he's been gone since sunday.

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there will be no welcome home sex. three reasons--i'm sure they will be tired, they probably won't get in until 10pm or later and his sister's flight leaves here at 5:30 in the morning to go back to ohio; mother nature tortured me the entire month of march and didn't give me a period only to drop the bomb on me on sunday, stupid cunt (mother nature, not me); his sister will be spending the night here--i can't have sex w/ extraneous family members in the house.

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last week we were sitting on the patio and i noticed something hanging in the neighbor's tree that leans over into our side yard. a bird apparently committed suicide. yes, there is a bird hanging from a string high above my house. an omen? i wish we could reach it to cut it down because it's fucking creepy. the hubs says the bird found out obama got elected and realized that w/ the economy nobody good afford bird seed so he offed himself. don't blame me, i married a republican.

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i would take a picture of that bird to show you how creepy it is but i think my beloved camera is broken. i was trying to take pics of the girl when she got inducted into the national junior honor society and it was not cooperating. i love that camera. i will be sad if it is in fact dead.

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this deserves a post of its very own but i can't bear (or is it bare? yeah, i'm just an editor wtf do i know about grammar?) another death post. one of my first cousins, one i happen to be closer to than the others, lost his wife yesterday. he is 30 and they'd been married for about 2 yrs. they were actually in the process of getting divorced and were separated, but still. i really can't process any more news like this right now.

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for the most part i have not posted much about work in the last few months (aside from all that heinous travel bitching i did awhile back) because even though things annoy me i just really do not care that much about my job any more. i am not career minded. i do not have the passion for it i once did. i am burnt out and though i get irritated, little makes me very angry. ok, except when i vented about people who sit next to me and sneeze loudly or talk too much. anywhoo, long story short, one of my co-workers said that my boss said that i must not be too busy because i come in late and leave early every day. WTF???!!!! i think he must be fucking smoking a skin flute or something (i stole that from someones post i read recently, skin flute). i am at work every day between 8:20 and 9 (most people arrive between 9-9:30), usually before most of his other team of employees even walks in the door. i hardly ever take lunch, nine times out of ten i eat at my desk. yes, i do leave at FIVE PM or 5:15 because i have kids to pick up from daycare. the thing that blows my mind is that i have to walk by his office to get to my hellhole of a pod so he has to see me come in every morning. i am torn between confronting him about the fact that he must be looking at the time on an alice in wonderland clock or maybe he forgot to change it w/ daylight savings? but i don't want to out the co-worker that told me this. part of me says, let it go, it doesn't matter anyway. but it does matter and it pisses me the hell off. i wouldn't be so mad if it were true. i'd be scared if it were true, but it's not and i bust my ass for that fucking company.

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i finally have an idea for a contest. i came up w/ it all on my own because the ones you all were suggesting were lame, i mean too tame. ; ) so here is the contest: name the most bizarre place you've had sex and describe it (the place/circumstance not the actual act--unless you just want to). this isn't like that episode of the newlywed game where the host asked the woman to name the most unusual place she'd had sex and she said, that would be the butt, bob. he he, cracks me up. ahem. but no, the winner of this contest will be the person who i think has done it in the weirdest place. if you don't feel comfortable sharing that in comments just email me, creativekerfuffle@yahoo.com. winner will get a cool box o' stuff.

to get things started i'll share my weird places, since i can't win my own box o' stuff. when the hubs and i were living in sin together in oklahoma we partied a lot. we were at one of his friends' parties and snuck away to the bathroom and had sex on her vanity. the other odd place was in his parents' backyard, maybe 6 yrs ago (meaning we were adults and had kids). i think we'd been visiting there for about a week and the kids were sleeping in the same room w/ us and so we just waited until everyone was in bed and snuck out to the backyard w/ a blanket. hmmm, actually, those aren't sounding so weird now. oh, wait, one time (at band camp) when i was pregnant w/ the boy i stopped by the hubs' work on my way to work for a quickie. he was a store manager at that time and we did it in his office. i was quite a horn dog when i was pregnant.

9 comments:

drollgirl said...

hahahahah! your contest is great! i am trying to think where i have had sex besides beds, floors and couches. a couple of times in a vw bus. many times on boats and ships (i had an ex that was a captain). once on a balcony. a couple of times in a pool. boy, i am boring. i know i am not going to win this contest unless i go home and grab the man and we do it from the produce isle in the grocery store or something.

only a movie said...

I am sorry about your cousins wife. You shouldn't have to deal with any more of this.

The bird story is freaking me out.

I've got nothing for your contest. Damn.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

http://vivek-khanna.com/Texas-AM-University-Stadiums-Kyle-Field-Endzone-View-of-Kyle-Field-TAM-S-KF-00002xlg.jpg

50 yard line Kyle Field. It was awesome. Still have the padlock that was unlocked that we used to sneak in. And part of my engagement proposal was on the same 50 yard line. Not the same night, though :p

Gal Friday said...

I feel so bad for you--having to see that hanging bird. How sad for the bird too.
And, geez...sorry to hear about about another loss in your family. I hope you'll get a break some time soon and will start getting amazingly good news. You all deserve it.
As for the contest...I can say I have had up sex on the beach and that was a l-o-n-g time ago.

Sherendipity said...

Oh, honey. Seriously, wtf? If I could find some good joojoo, box it up, and send it to you, I would stuff the biggest box and it would be on it's way TODAY.
I'm sorry you're going through all this life crap. Life crap sucks. I've had a heaping helping of it myself lately, and I feel for you.

Now, on to the sex. The strangest place that Brad and I have had sex was in his Grandmother's bathroom. Now, that doesn't sound quite so bad, but it was during Thanksgiving dinner, and there were no less than 20 people over at the time, in her small 1 bathroom farm house. The glare from Brad's flushed face could have probably cooked the damn turkey that year.

How trustworthy is the coworker that mentioned the thing about your boss? What were her intentions by telling you? Did she HEAR him say it, herself?
Tread lightly, hon.
Also, if you have a good rep with your boss, ask him about it. I know that I could go to my boss with something like that, but most couldn't.

broad minded said...

Are you sure the bed is real and that you just don't have some mental kid as a neighbor?

I am so sorry about the cousin's wife. Enough is enough.

Now for the fun stuff. Hmm . . . I once did it in an open partitioned studio corner in the basement of a girls dorm at school. We were in the last one and other people may have been in the large open room and could have easily seen/heard us.

or one time, also in college, I did it out by the tennis courts and just moments after we got dressed the campus cops came by.

Another time I did it on a dead end street, in daylight in the back of a convertible with the top down.

I think those are the most daring instances. dang i used to be almost wild.

broad minded said...

i meant bird. bed. sex on the brain.

Anonymous said...

Dude I am so proud of Bea anything I had to offer is no where near as good. I would have to make something up or get creative really fast....tracy

Hotch Potchery said...

BEA! That is awesome. I can't believe you guys did that.

My weirdest place was in a classroom in the liberal arts building, like Bea, on our college campus. Same day, we also hit the parking garage. Mr. P had just returned after being gone for 45 days. We were a bit randy. If you ask Mr. P, his favorite weird place was a 'tiki hut' on the beach in Destin.