Thursday, May 28, 2009

where's my bailout?

i just got ambushed at my own front door--one of the perils of being home during the day.

ding dong (dogs bark furiously and then start wagging their tails as i open the door)

kind, middle aged (wait--older, i'm middle aged and he was at least 10 yrs older than me) man standing there w/ a clip board.

he: hello--do you have time to answer four questions for a brief economic survey?

me: (four questions? sure) sure

he: have you been affected by the economy?

me: laughing, uh yes, that's why i'm home during the day

he: you lost your job?

me: (he's not taking any notes, wait, who did he say was conducting this survey?) yes, uh, who is conducting this survey?

he: it's just a local, independent survey. has the new president's plan helped you?

me: uh, no, i'm middle class, i haven't seen any benefits from the package.

he: has anyone bailed you out?

me: (laughing, but still wondering who the hell this guy is) uh, no

and here's the ambush------

he: yes, you have been bailed out by jesus christ.

me: (oh holy hell, it's a jehovah's witness (no offense to any readers who might be jws but you have to admit they get a bad rap))

then he goes on quickly to tell me how jesus died for my sins and something about heaven and yada yada the bible says this (i'm smiling and thinking dammit, why doesn't the phone ring to save me???) he asks me questions about my beliefs and faith which catch me off guard and i fumble around and make up some nice platitudes to soothe him. then he asks a question i can totally answer---are you a member of a local church? ah, yes, i say, and name the church we are members of an occasionally attend. he tells me he's from xyz big local baptist church (again, no offense if your baptist) and leaves it at that.

holy hell!

10 comments:

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Rule # 1 DON'T ANSWER YOUR DOOR!
Rule #2 If you DO answer your door, be prepared to do something crazy to end your conversation quickly. Like say you need to get ready for hot, midday sex with your man and need to get your costume on.

Gal Friday said...

That was one evilly sneaky Jehovah's Witness!!!!

only a movie said...

Huh. Sneaky. I might have had some fun with that...

Hotch Potchery said...

Ha ha, Jesus bailed you out! I guess that means you can pay your electric bill and sign Jesus to the check and it won't bounce????

Penny said...

I respect everyone's religions and beliefs,and I know that some of those religions kind of expect their followers to 'spread the faith',but I just think everyone should be left to do their own thing.I would never force my faith/beliefs down someone else's throat,and I would appreciate not having everyone else's shoved down mine.

Anonymous said...

Jesus bailout. ha ha ha. I'm going to right checks and sign them "Jesus" and see how that works out for me...ha ha ha..yeah, don't answer the door, teaches you to be nice and helpful.

tracy

Astarte said...

That's really stupid and tacky. If they want to recruit people or something, they should just say so. I can't imagine anyone going, 'oh, yeah, you're right! I'm coming with you!' They should know that they alienate more people that way than anything else. Sheesh. I would *hate* that!

drollgirl said...

oh CHRIST. note to self: keep a bat and my devil pitchfork by the front door!!!!

p.s. thank you for your comments on my blog. there WILL be a car rental. and i plan to force a little more compromise on that whole "meet the parents" issue! it'll be ok. i was fritzed when i wrote that post, and i have since calmed down. :)

broad minded said...

totally off topic - but why in the heck do you not list the number of times you are orally gratified? gotta look out for #1!!!!

i mean come on, who cares what the hubs is getting. as a feminist i am more worried that you are getting YOUR due!

Penny said...

A little something to show you I care.

http://thoughts4pennies.blogspot.com/2009/06/queen-of-alll-things-awe-summm.html