Sunday, May 24, 2009

pretending to be married

the hubs and i have been married for almost 17 yrs. we are high school sweethearts; we're best friends even. we did not have the typical coming together though.

once i graduated college and we got back together and i moved to oklahoma and we then moved back to nc, we rented the cutest little house where we lived in sin for about a year.

the house we rented was probably built in the 1940s, i'm not sure if you'd call it a bungalow style, but it was cute. living room, two bedrooms (tiny), bath, galley kitchen/dining room and at some point a laundry room had been built on the back of the house.

it was in an older neighborhood, one that was teetering on the edge of being quaint in it's oldness and turning into a downright crime hot spot. our neighbors to the left were riding the welfare train and supplementing their income w/ something illegal--it had to be, the hubs was making coffee one morning when he saw them unloading automatic weapons from the trunk of their car. that's when he decided we needed to move. we later heard there was a shoot out there.

our neighbors to the right were the sweetest elderly couple. very devout. very nosey. i don't remember at what point we decided to pretend, for their sake, that we were married, but we never told them we were living in sin. the hubs says he didn't say anything because the old man liked mowing our yard when he mowed his, but, i think it was something else, though i'm not sure what.

one day, after a particularly loud night of sex, the hubs was out in the yard and the old man next door came outside and started chitchatting. some how the conversation turned and the neighbor was telling the hubs that sex is only used for procreation and he's quite sure the hubs understands that right? uh, yeah. that's when the hubs noticed our bedroom window--which faced the side of the neighbor's house, which was MAYBE 10-12 feet away--was open and had been all night.

so, that october when we got married we said nothing to our neighbor. for all they knew we were married already. when we came home from the honeymoon we washed the car first--erasing all the shaving cream and evidence.

10 comments:

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

What a great short story. I loved this. The quaint old bungalow, the living together between the righteous and the crime lord.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

That is too funny! That elderly neighbor cracks me up. I am sure they were listening all night. Who know what you said! That kind of stuff makes me giggle.

The crime lord next door is creepy though. But I have always wanted to live in a bungalow. We live in a tiny house now, but it does not have that kind of charm.

only a movie said...

I love bungalows.

I think I have had the window way too open some nights too! Ack!!

Such a sweet story. :-)

drollgirl said...

bahahah!!! sometimes we must protect others from knowing our status as living in sin. i can't even tell my parents that i live with the bf (going on 2 years). they would have a stroke and stage an intervention, stat. PASS ON THAT.

and automatic weapons. gsus! i thought i had the best apartment complex stories, but you might just have me beat!

Penny said...

LMAO!That is so funny!My boyfriend and I live in between two older couples as well,and even though they don't say anything about it,I can tell they don't really approve of us 'living in sin'.Oh well,can't please everyone I guess.And having weird neighbours keeps life interesting,I guess.

Ali said...

That's funny. I love that the neighbour though he had better give your hub a little talk, just to make sure. I think it's kind of sweet that you cleaned your car.

Fragrant Liar said...

Call me crazy, but I think you should always leave your windows open when you have wild sex. Or tame sex, but that's beside the point. Haven't you heard that saying, Make love not war? The world needs to be reminded of this, and if you have to take it for the team, then, so be it. That's all I'm going to say about it. Except it's good to remember that saying, especially today. Besides, sex and procreating are different, I think. Of course, I had four kids, what do I know. Okay, that's all I'm going to say on this subject.

Anonymous said...

Thoroughly enjoyed reading this post! I can relate to the neighbors' disapproval. I used to have neighbors like that. I couldn't open my windows, though!

Sweet T

Hotch Potchery said...

A few years ago Mr. P rented a condo at the beach and after a night of several drinks we were having a not so quiet romp and the adjoining condo people BANGED on the wall because apparently we were too loud. so embarassing, but we laughed a lot!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha. I love a good sex story...

Tracy