if you've read me for any length of time (or perused the archives or know me in real life--like this is fake?) you know that my family takes the fun out of dysfunctional (except the bro and sil). anyhoo--yesterday was my dad's birthday; we're celebrating it saturday at my folk's house. i know, you're so jealous you can't be there.
being the dutiful (or suck up according to my bro) daughter i called him on my way home to wish him a happy birthday. he and his friend jim beam had already started hanging out. but, this was not ya know cos it was his birthday, this is just typical come home from work mode. and when he drinks he's talkative, really the only time he's talkative. so he's telling me about his day at work. he works for one of those big home improvement places, the ones where they wear aprons. apparently their store birthday ritual is to gift the person with a pair of giant, flesh colored granny panties. how this has not become a human resource nightmare i have no idea; however, after yesterday it just might.
my dad, even when sober, does some pretty shocking things. when gifted with these panties he put them on, over his pants, and wore them. in the store. when the store was open. all day. he thought this was quite funny. but, it gets better. the store had a customer appreciation cookout yesterday, you can just imagine how many people that draws, free food in a home improvement warehouse? yeah. so the granny pantie clad dad walks out there and lifts his apron to flash people. i wasn't even there and i'm dying of embarrassment.
then, get this, he says, you know, i had no idea so many people had camera phones. no fucking shit sherlock! i haven't googled it yet but i would be highly surprised if a picture of him isn't up on the internet today. initially i thought, ok, this is embarrassing and oddly humorous. the more i stew on it i just think, what the fuck????? really, who DOES that kind of shit? he's a grown, 60 year old man for christ's sake. wearing granny panties. in public!
so dear readers, the next time you read one of my posts and think, man she's really fucked up or off the deep in or just plain nuts, remember this and realize that this is half of the gene pool i crawled out of. frankly it's a miracle that i'm even a moderately well adjusted productive member of society.