Monday, March 22, 2010

if....

.....my adult daughter ever sends me an email telling me she and her family won't be coming to my house any more because the environment is toxic but that i can still visit my grandkids at her house, i would be on the phone calling her in a heartbeat.

......my granddaughter had mono and i knew she was missing her much-anticipated class trip this week i'd be calling her.

.......my grandson had just won 7 awards at an out-of-state-karate tournament i'd be calling him and not just writing way to go or something on his facebook.

don't get me wrong, i had a great time this weekend with the girl. friday night she and my SIL and i went to the movies and saw bounty hunter. saturday the girl and i went to the mall (which i loathe but know she loves) and had mexican food for dinner. the girl picked at her food. i asked if she didn't like it and she said she likes tacos at home but in general doesn't like mexican food. i asked why she didn't say so, we could have gone somewhere else. she said she knew i liked it and sometimes you make sacrifices for people you love. (yeah, WOW). sunday we took the dogs for their first visit to the dog park. they hated it. they were the biggest dogs there and yet they acted like big ole' chickens, not leaving our side for a minute. they were shy. they didn't want to interact w/ the other dogs. (i pointed out they were much like the girl in middle school, she just looked at me but didn't deny it). then we watched everyone's fine (w/ drew barrymore and robert de niro) which was totally depressing. the hubs and the boy got home around dinner time and then we started falling back into our normal patterns.

but always underneath, and especially when i go to sleep, there are these thoughts about my parents. i wish i could borrow someones parent and tell them my story and have them tell me if i'm crazy or over reacting or wrong. years ago, when i was very close to one of my aunts, i told her about what happened w/ my dad. she was sick, literally. she was astounded that my mom did nothing. and yet, after that, we drifted a part and she continued and solidified her close relationship w/ my mom. they talk every day. this same aunt used to be very close to the girl and yet she drifted from her as well. perhaps there is something else, but if you just look at things the way they happened, my aunt turned her back on us, despite everything she knew.

5 comments:

Astarte said...

I think your aunt is probably so sick over what happened that she doesn't want to think about it, and has just decided to pretend that it didn't happen, like your mom. Or, your mom said some lie to her to cover it all up. Either way, the apples were from the same tree, and landed on the same rotten ground right next to each other. I wish I could change your family! But, as a parent, I can honestly tell you, it was totally fucked up, and as a parent yourself, you know it, too. You can trust yourself to tell your own narrative, and to believe in your own words and feelings. Whatever crap they do now just illustrates your point.

Also, AWESOME karate!!!!! Woohoo!!!

Penny said...

We went to a baby shower for my SIL this weekend at her house. Her and my BIL live with SIL's parents....(that is a long story in itself)anyway we just lingered and lingered for HOURS after the party was over and on our way home Teddy and were saying it is so nice to be around REGULAR parents that we just sit and soak up all the attention and parental advice we can get...I wish someone wanted to adopt a 33 year old.

Hotch Potchery said...

Yeah, I have no parents to offer.

only a movie said...

Ack. Not cool, not fair. I hate to put it this way, but their bad parenting has shaped who you are, and made you an amazing parent.

My sister(s) and I talk about this a lot. I'm really sad about how detached and cold my parents are. They are not at all interested in our lives...

I could write a whole post about this. It's so raw and just sad.

Kristin.... said...

Well that all just stinks. But the good thing is that you SEE it and you aren't letting it happen with your own kids. You are changing the ways of the past. You are so strong!