i think i had more of the christmas spirit a week ago than i do now. i am tense. i am anxious and i don't know why. i'm a bit sad, thinking of our losses this year. thinking of my brother-in-laws sons, who are about the ages of my kids, not having their dad for christmas. sad, thinking my grandma won't be here on christmas eve, even though she never seemed to enjoy her gifts.
i have been baking like i think i'm a food network star or something. baking for god's sake. i made cranberry scones today. i don't know why i thought scones were so fabulous. maybe mine just weren't. they're ok, but i thought they'd be yummier.
the snow is still here, though melting. i really have loved it though.
i think i'm a bit overwhelmed by the gifts we've bought the kids and each other (though of course i have no idea what i'm getting and i don't think the hubs knows what he's getting) and i sort of feel guilty/greedy/materialistic. i hate that. normally i'm really not materialistic at all.
why was i more in the spirit of things last week and not this week, when the holiday is days away? i need a little christmas, right this very minute.