this week in ck land

sunday i got up at 4am (y'all KNOW how much i LOVE mornings) for my 7am flight to san antonio. the only other time i've been there was about 20 years ago when i was in college and two of my high school friends and i met there and stayed w/ our other high school friend who lived there. it was the first time i ever saw a fuddruckers (and was naively appalled by the name--yeah, me, who loves to say the word fuck now). we visited the river walk and the alamo. yawn. i was under impressed w/ it.

ditto and i were travelling there for work, first attending a mini-conference and then hosting our own. driving to the airport that morning there was no traffic on the highway and i realized that driving 60mph seems sort of fast when you're the only car on the road.

sunday-tuesday went ok (the mini-conf.) and the resort we stayed at was lovely. it was beside fiesta texas, which of course was closed until tomorrow. i intended on blogging while out of town but obviously that didn't happen. even though i got back to my room most nights by 9pm i was so wiped out i ended up going to sleep by 10:30 or 11.

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tuesday kicked off my conference. normally i'm a nervous wreck over my conference but this year i wasn't as keyed up. i don't know if it's because of the attitude i have about work now or the fact that i felt very confident about the agenda/speakers i'd lined up. the queen of evil descended upon us tuesday though, and she causes stress wherever she goes. i think the thing that bothers me the most about her is that she is condescending and loathe to give a compliment, even when it is warranted. i had an epiphany while i was there, one i think i've had about her before. she is very much like my dad. even though i cannot stand her and don't understand why she's so mean i strive to impress her. wednesday was a full day of speakers/panels and about midday, when i had a feeling that things were going well and the attendees were happy and the speakers were good, i made the mistake of asking her what she thought. "it's fine," she said begrudgingly. at that moment i thought, yep, she's my dad. you could get straight a's, be the model kid, whatever, and the only positive reinforcement was given begrudgingly. and even though i know that's the way they both are, for some reason it hurts me not to impress them or to be accepted by them. but, this year at least i knew what to expect so it didn't bother me as much as it could have. it's odd but when people i know tell me i did a good job or compliment me i assume they're telling me that because they're my friend/family/are obligated but i still want that validation from people i know i'll never get it from. weird.

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while i was out of town the girl got strep (the hubs took her to the doc and she's on meds and back in school) and my gma (80 yrs old) got double pneumonia and is in the hospital. i got home around 7 last night and went to see her. she doesn't look well at all. she's incredibly weak; she goes in and out of being lucid and not. last night she argued w/ me that she was 89; she said when you're in politics and running for office you have to lie about your age. then she said they wouldn't let her in the senate because her eye sight was so bad. i'm headed back up to the hospital today; wondering if she'll ever come home.

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i've spent a lot (and i mean 24/7 a lot) of time w/ ditto these last three weeks and though she still frustrates me at times, i've started to feel sorry for her. i still can't stand the fact that whatever you say she has to top it--if your kid is sick, hers is twice as sick; if you worked late, she worked 5 hours later than you, etc. she brings a lot of her problems on herself, but even w/ that i feel sorry for her. from the one sided phone conversations i hear, her husband (who's about 10 yrs younger than her) is a total ass. i don't think he's decided what he's going to be when he grows up. her kid also got sick while we were gone and her husband said she could take him to the doc when she got back in town, even though the job he has is not a 9-5 and he in fact isn't really working right now. nice. so she's got the stress of work plus no safety net when she comes home. i don't know how many times this week she told me i was lucky i had such a good husband : ) don't i know it.

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speaking of the hubs---all the tests he had last week came back ok, however he's still feeling bad and the lab work shows an elevated white blood cell count which could mean infection. i've left a msg this morning w/ his cardiologist because she hasn't indicated what the next step is. yes, good that those tests were clear, but obviously SOMETHING is wrong and we need to get to the bottom of it.

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also while i was away, the little kitty jasper decided he has a bread fetish. the first night i talked to the hubs he said jasper got up on the counter and pushed a loaf of bread off, opened it and shredded the bread. then the hubs put it in the bread box. jasper opened the bread box and shredded another loaf. the hubs put a loaf in one of the upper cabinets. jasper got in the upper cabinet and shredded another loaf. wtf??? we might have to start keeping it in the fridge.

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my dear friend trish called me a few times while i was away and even though i missed the calls because of work and just got the voice mails, they made me smile. trish has been there for me and the hubs so very many times. even before we knew her well she helped us out when the hubs' mom was sick. she's a constant, good friend and it meant a lot that she called me this week, knowing that i was stressed about the hubs and my conference.

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that's my week in a nutshell. i'm glad to be home. glad to be back in the bed, sleeping beside the hubs. glad to cuddle my kids. glad to watch little jasper curled up here beside me right now making his funny kitty noises. i'll be around soon to read all of the blogs i've missed.