Lame duckitus

Despite the fact I have a butt load of work to wrap up before vacating this job, I have to create something. I’m having lots of trouble concentrating.

So, we did this email thing, describe the person who sent you this in one word. Here are the words people used to describe me:

Psychic (I gave myself this one, though of course I’m not psychic)
RULE BREAKER
CRAZY
Sarcastic
warm
soulful
smartass
Sassy
LOVE (from Auntie)
encompassing

Have you ever been totally grossed out by co-workers? Two true stories, if you’re squeamish, skip this post.

First—earlier in the week I was getting coffee in the breakroom. Coworker is in there making a sandwich, babbling on some nonsense that I’m trying to ignore, because, love her heart she’s just damn annoying. I glance out of the corner of my eye and she has clear fluid hanging out a nostril. I almost dry heaved. I’ve had uncontrolled runny noses, you can feel that shit. Apparently she didn’t’ because she made no attempt to either suck it up or blow it out or anything. I left before the fluid ended up as a condiment in her sandwich.

Second—coworker related this story of another coworker. Same breakroom, early in the morning. My friend is heating oatmeal when another coworker (a woman who is known to not wash her hands after she uses the restroom AND who cleans her glasses in meetings by LICKING THEM) takes a paper towel, wipes the counter with it, then blows her nose AND DIGS around for gold, THEN takes the same paper towel, wipes her coffee cup with it and throws it in the kitchen trash.

I’m getting outfitted for a hazmat suit this weekend to wear to the office.

Simile of the day or is it a metaphor? I forget:
We’re tight like virgins