that's how i'm feeling. five days until christmas and i'm so not in the mood. i've been trying. really i have. we've decorated. i've finished shopping and mostly finished wrapping. and yet....here i sit, wondering when i'm going to get that inner peace/glow/burst of happiness.
the kids are off from school from now until the first of the year.
i am worried about money. i am worried about finding a job. i am really worried about that.
i am tired of hearing people say, everything happens for a reason. the right job will find you. really? 19 months is a fucking long time to wait. i send out resumes. i scour the ads and the internet.
yesterday we were watching an episode of mythbusters (i love those guys) and they were testing this idea from a movie where people can hang on to the edge of a building's ledge indefinitely. first the ledge was 2" wide; they hung on for about a minute and a half. they gradually decreased the width until it was 1/2 an inch. they couldn't even hold on for a second. that is how i'm feeling right now. like the ledge keeps getting smaller and smaller and it's not a matter of if, but when i will start freefalling. and i don't have a safety harness on.