Tuesday, February 2, 2010

crash and burn

it was just a matter of time really. just a matter of time before my happy balloon was deflated by the harsh reality that being unemployed brings. it's not like i have been unaware that we could not survive forever w/out me having a job. granted i am getting unemployment but that weekly check is less than half of my equivalent weekly pay was. we have survived this long thanks to a severance package that we immediately banked and the hubs' mad skillz w/ money and budgeting and finances. he has made it work.

i have kept hoping, assuming, thinking that i would have a job by now. i apply for everything. ok. not everything because i'm not qualified for everything and not everything because i do need to make a certain amount of money, but otherwise everything.

the severance has been our safety net and it is about gone. after that we can cash in the hubs' 401k--by by future. after that there is nothing. nothing. today in my job hunt i expanded it from the local 40 mile radius to the whole damn country. well, let's be honest, we aren't moving to nyc (where there are tons of publishing jobs listed) and we aren't moving to california or chicago or any place that gets more snow than we get here in nc.

i am not opposed to moving. i'm really not. i think the hubs thinks i'm tied here because of my family. i'm not. i would hate to leave my bro/sil and their kids, but i think we'd still be close even if we didn't live close.

and, as much as i love our house and yard, i could move. i'd be digging up a lot of plants before we did, but otherwise, i could leave this house and start over.

part of me would even get a little excited about the prospect of a new city, new state, new anything to mold again. but it also scares me. there is no guarantee that the economy would be any better elsewhere.

my kids would be devastated. this is all they've ever known. they have friends from kindergarten here, kids they've grown up w/. that is something the hubs and i never had. even though now i am glad for the moving around i did as a kid, i also longed for the roots that living in the same town had.

so i sit here, wondering what tomorrow will bring, trying to cope w/ two kids who are bored out of their mind because it is day two of no school and possibly no school for the entire week if the weather has it's way with us. the boy is clamouring to play monopoly, again, the girl keeps saying she is bored and wants to go out, somewhere, anywhere (which would certainly involve spending money) and i just want someone to call and give me a fucking job already.

11 comments:

Kristin.... said...

I'm sorry. I'd say move to Maine, but we get snow and lots of it. And no penguins here. :)
There, that was my attempt at humor. :)

Firegirl said...

I use job search as a coping technique when my "job" is bugging me (co-workers, actually) and it a quick reality check.

Sadly, not much up here in the NW either. Wish I had suggestions or a magic wand for you.

Are any of the local school districts hiring? Are there transferable skills there somehow?

*thinking*

Not Your Aunt B said...

Seeing the amount (or lack of) that unemployment paid the hubs last year was humbling. It is no where close, as you say and so hard to make those budget adjustments. I hope, hope, hope you do get that phone call! Any chance of telecommuting for work? I hear about that all the time, but it doesn't seem to be real.

Penny said...

I'm really sorry. It is absolutely horrible and I've had this job since December and I've looked for a different job EVERY DAY since then and there has been NOTHING to even apply too. It is just awful the worry about money and I hope things work out for you really soon!

only a movie said...

Yikes, Lisa. They're even talking of cutting jobs in our school district. I wish I could say there were jobs here, but like Kristen says - you wouldn't like the snow. (Although right now you have more snow than us...)

PS - the word veri is fuchess

drollgirl said...

oh god. i hope that magical call happens very soon. this stuff is so stressful!!!! my brother has been out of work for over a year now. and i know so many people are in the same boat. i wish i could help.

Anonymous said...

Waaaa!! No moving too far...
Sil

Sherendipity said...

I'm pulling for you honey. Not that that helps you one i-ota, but it can't hurt, right?

Anonymous said...

I would hate to see you guys move, too, but if it would give you more financial stability and less stress, then go for it if the opportunity comes knocking.

I am thankful to have my job, despite not being thrilled with it. I really hope and pray that my unemployed friends are able to find satisfying jobs, and soon! There are too many of you!

Sweet T

Gal Friday said...

I am so sorry about your situation--it can't be easy trying to to look on the bright side of things when there are so many worries.

Even though some days my job flat out sucks, I know that it would be far worse to not have it(and try looking for a new position anywhere these days!) and I know far too many people who have been struggling without one in the last year.

hugs,
Tina

Astarte said...

I'll tell you a secret - we cashed in DH's 401k a few months ago. The credit card debt was killing us. He's still contributing to it, and hopefully when I start working we'll be able to fill it back up again, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do. We lost about half of it, but we also got rid of almost all of our debt. My thought it, there's no sense in saving for the future if the present is going to screw with you and make the future bad, anyway.

You will get a job. I know you will. I've actually seen a few signs with places looking for peopel around here, which I haven't seen in a looong time. Granted, they're restaurants, but I think it's indicative, since the people who worked there have obviously moved up to another, better job.

If you move, come here! It would be awesome! I hope you don't have to move, though.