rainy day

it's raining this morning. i love rainy days. we should move to washington state.

friday was my birthday---i turned 41. i can't believe i'm over 40 now. it was a good day though. the hubs got me a new digital camera, i got it early. i used bday money to get a pedicure and then when everyone got home from work/school i opened more presents. the hubs totally spoils me in that regard. i got scattergories (which i've been wanting forever), a tripod for my camera, a scarf the girl knitted, a picture the boy drew and these cool sharpie pens i'd been jonesing for. we went to dinner and came home and had cheesecake. awesomesause.

it is well known in my family that i get torn up when reading my bday cards. the hubs usually gets me a heart-felt, serious card, and i cry. the kids usually pick out something funny or w/ music, and sometimes there are cards/gifts from the animals (there were this year, they actually got me the tripod). this year though, the girl picked out a serious card, so touching. i cried. part of me thinks this card shows a bit of her maturity and another part thinks she relishes in getting a reaction from me. either way, the card is something i'll cherish forever.

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the first week of school went well i suppose. the girl is frustrated w/ the over crowding on her bus, loves her science teacher (which i predicted because he's a young, 20 something guy) and she's pissed that she can't leave her viola in her home room and has to lug it to the orchestra room in the morning instead.

the boy's big fascination this week was checking the progress of the decaying opossum on the road by his bus stop.

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sunday i met some friends for coffee in the afternoon. i NEVER do stuff like that on the weekend. it was bittersweet actually. these are all former co-workers who became great friends. with all of the layoffs/job changes we've sort of scattered to the winds. a few of them keep in closer contact w/ each other, but it had been months since i'd seen any of them. it makes me sad that we don't all work together any more. i sometimes feel out of sorts at these things lately because i don't have much to offer in way of conversation. i don't have a job to talk about. i am not having a baby. i am not going through a divorce.

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part of me is in a great place, optimistic about the future, hopeful that the right job for me will come along. but part of me seems on the verge of tears a lot too. that sadness that comes from not being able to make everything right for the people you love. knowing that they have issues and are dealing with things you can't fix for them. it is frustrating, not knowing how to make things better/happy/right.

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i will be an aunt again soon. i haven't talked about it much, mostly because i'm not close to my sister. she's 12 yrs younger than me and has made a lot of decisions i don't agree with and certainly don't understand. this is child #3 for her, the first one she's had in wedlock. the other two have different fathers, neither of whom are part of their lives. she is basically due any day now--a little boy.