Wednesday, April 13, 2011

i've never...

I have never watched Grey’s Anatomy or Dancing with the Stars I’ve never read Moby Dick or the complete works of William Shakespeare I’ve never had a massage…at least not one done by a professional I’ve never been to Alaska or New England or Montana I never wrote for my school or college newspapers, even though technically I am a journalist I’ve never taken black and white pictures even though I love black and white pictures I’ve never played golf…unless it involved shooting a colored ball into an animal’s mouth I’ve never been in a helicopter but I’ve flown across the Atlantic six times I’ve never worn a mini skirt or a bikini I've never watched a whole Monty Python movie or TV episode I’ve never not liked coloring or reading I’ve never enjoyed solving math problems I’ve never gone to the movies by myself, nor have I ever lived by myself I’ve never broken a leg I’ve never been a good speller I’ve never owned a blue car and I’ve never driven a jeep or ridden in a convertible I’ve never been in a fist fight I’ve never taken a hot air balloon ride, but I think I’d like to I’ve never been able to understand how people can purposely, physically harm other people (aside from siblings of course) I’ve never been able to walk in high heels, and this doesn’t really bother me I’ve never been to a poetry reading, but I have been to a drag queen show I’ve never been in a boat on the ocean I've never read A Wrinkle in Time or The Great Gatsby I’ve never been skiing, but would love to go to a ski lodge I have never seen the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, the nation’s capitol or the Pacific Ocean I’ve never understood the deal with Schrödinger’s cat or how one Dalmatian could possibly have 101 puppies I’ve never ice skated on an actual frozen pond and I’ve never been a bridesmaid I’ve never understood the meaning behind Stairway to Heaven, though I love the song I’ve never liked brie or caviar and never got the point of toast points I’ve never sold anything I made with my own two hands I’ve never spanked my kids with a belt or washed their mouths out with soap I’ve never gone to church every Sunday for a year I’ve never read the Bible cover to cover I’ve never gone hunting, though I had to take hunting safety as part of my 7th grade science class in Pennsylvania I have never seen a whale in person I’ve never been able to easily go to sleep when the hubs is out of town I’ve never understood why they can’t make a comfortable bra I’ve never had a bacon sundae and I don’t think I want to I’ve never been much of a wine drinker, even though the hubs likes collecting wine based on if the label is funky or not I’ve never liked gin I’ve never worn pasties or learned how to pole dance I’ve never ridden in an ambulance, and frankly never want to I’ve never understood not liking someone because they are a different color or religion or because they have a different sexual preference I’ve never bet on the ponies or played craps or sat at a gambling table…though I’ve been to Vegas more than half a dozen times I’ve never turned the radio station away from a Rod Stewart song I’ve never understood how Jackson Pollock’s paintings can be so critically acclaimed when they look so incredibly simple, although I do really like his work I have never willingly eaten liver or deer or rabbit or rocky mountain oysters I've never witnessed an animal being born but I have witnessed a baby's birth I have never sewn a wearable outfit I've never thought of myself as pretty but I think I have a few nice features I have never been divorced or a twin or stabbed I've never run for the pleasure of it I've never snorted coke I've never not paid my taxes I've never fallen asleep at work but I did buy a j from a co-worker in the bathroom I've never learned how to play chess or the guitar or bridge I've never stayed awake for 24 hours I've never been on a sports team

8 comments:

Hotch Potchery said...

This is a neat post. I go out to lunch and the movies by myself often, I've never ridden in a helicopter and my dad is a helicopter pilot. I have seen kittens being born, but never a human baby. I've broken my collar bone twice and got stitches 4 times (twice in the wazzoo after giving birth). I am awful at crossword puzzles and am worthless at history and current events.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you've never stayed awake for 24 hours! Not even in college?

That was fun. Some of your "nevers" I have done, and some not. I went to the movies by myself once. It was a little weird, but I would do it again. I have seen the Beluga whales at the aquarium in Chicago. I could've watched them all day. They have sweet faces. I have been to a drag queen show. It was a riot.

Sweet T

Annabelle said...

You. Me. Drag Show. ASAP.

Oh..and kudos on not watching Greys....how AWFUL does that show look?

Loved this post

Gal Friday said...

I have never watched Grey’s Anatomy or Dancing with the Stars I’ve never read Moby Dick or the complete works of William Shakespeare I’ve never been to Alaska or Montana(but I sure as heck have been all over New England--now I just need to travel more and get OUT of here once in a while!)
I’ve never played golf…unless it involved shooting a colored ball into an animal’s mouth
I’ve never been in a helicopter but I’ve flown across the Atlantic 8 times

I’ve never not liked coloring or reading
I’ve never enjoyed solving math problems
I’ve never gone to the movies by myself.
I’ve never broken a leg
I’ve never been in a fist fight I’ve never taken a hot air balloon ride(and I know I would not like to--afraid of heights)
I’ve never been able to understand how people can purposely, physically harm other people
I’ve never been able to walk in high heels!!!(OMG--I am the same exact way and feel strange if I wear them)
I have never seen the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, or the Pacific Ocean
I’ve never spanked my kids with a belt or washed their mouths out with soap
I’ve never gone to church every Sunday for a year
I’ve never read the Bible cover to cover
I’ve never gone hunting
I’ve never been able to easily go to sleep when the hubs is out of town

I’ve never had a bacon sundae(I just heard about this on the news the other day) and I don’t think I want to(with you there!)
I’ve never liked gin(Vodka, please...)
I’ve never worn pasties or learned how to pole dance
I’ve never ridden in an ambulance, and frankly never want to
I’ve never understood not liking someone because they are a different color or religion or because they have a different sexual preference
I’ve never bet on the ponies or played craps or sat at a gambling table
I have never sewn a wearable outfit
I've never thought of myself as pretty but I think I have a few nice features
I have never been divorced or a twin or stabbed
I've never run for the pleasure of it
(Me too..me too...)hate running if I don't have to)
I've never snorted coke
I've never not paid my taxes
I've never fallen asleep at work
I've never learned how to play chess
or the guitar
or bridge
I've never stayed awake for 24 hours
I've never been on a sports team


This was a FANTABOULOUS post!! I could echo your "I nevers"(see above--I copied and pasted those statements that applied to me, too) for over half this list(how long did it take you to think of these, anyway?
I don't know what Schrödinger’s cat or "rocky mountain oysters are... and I was quite impressed that you did not gamble even though you have been Vegas.

tulpen said...

Too much for a specific comment.

But now I wanna do it.

formerlyonlyamovie said...

I loved going to the movies by myself. Not that I've done it recently.

I've never been able to walk in high heels, but I really want to learn. Or have an opportunity that requires wearing the damn things.

Great freaking post, my friend. xo

Firegirl said...

Love this! Totally gonna steal it!

(:-D

Anonymous said...

Wow! It got me thinking of my "nevers"... started doing some of them recently... but now I really want to write my own list. I love high heels...I'd wear them every day if I could. I used to think women were crazy for wearing them. I am now a crazy woman for wearing them!!! I loved reading this!!!