Thursday, July 24, 2008

menagerie of thoughts

that's a tad bit misleading cos there certainly isn't anything exotic or unusual about these random thoughts.

what's the etiquette on wedding presents for someone getting married at the justice of the peace? at first my sister thought it would be a smashing idea to have the family over the evening after the wedding so we could meet her husband. my hubs told her it might be a better idea to have the family meet the guy beforehand. so, she's invited everyone to her new apt next saturday to meet him. i feel like i should get a wedding gift just cos it's the thing to do but a)what do i get and b)what do i get? on this same topic i find it odd that i've talked to my mom maybe 3-4 times since this news has come out and she hasn't said a word about it. not, hey what do you think of your sister's news or anything. how freakin' bizarre is that? my family (bro and sil aside) is so incredibly fucked up.

*****
for the last week or so (the hubs might say longer) i have been in a funk. this week it has escalated to include near panic attacks. part of the problem is that a friend and i had an arguement and though i've made a few attempts to contact her since she's not responded. at all. needless to say i walk around most days waffling between wtf and really? on that one. even with extenuating circumstances i can't believe it's gone on this long with no communication. also i'm panicking about work. i have a lot on my plate right now and after all the changes last month i really have lost pretty much any confidence i had in my ability to know what the hell i'm doing. i'm second guessing myself every time i turn around. i don't like this feeling. i know i whine about this all the time and really i should just shut the fuck up already, but i'm so in the wrong job.

*****
another part of my problem, though i can't believe i'm even betraying the sisterhood and blaming it on this, is that i started my period yesterday. i could bitch slap myself for saying that because one side of me says it's a cop out to use that excuse. i'm sorry i'm so moody, whiney, unresponsive, a slug, but i think i'm getting ready to start my period. yeah, whatever you whiney bitch. but fuck, it's true. tuesday i really felt like i was about to physically and emotionally explode. i wanted to cry. i wanted to beat the hell out of someone, anyone, and i just wanted to fade away into nothing. then bam, yesterday i started and today, though i could use a total backrub like there's no tomorrow, i feel better. how weird is that? i'm still a bit stressed but at least i don't feel like i'm hanging by a ragged fingernail off a cliff spanning the grand canyon filled with water and starving alligators. yeah, i might have gone a bit too far w/ that.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad about blaming your monthly curse. It happens. Hormones suck, and they do play a big part in moodiness. I always feel better once I start, aside from cramps.

Sorry things suck right now!

Love ya,
Sweet T

Kristin.... said...

I'm sending you good vibes. And when you have some, send them my way. Because we can't both be sucky at the same time. That is cosmically unfair.

Astarte said...

Oy, I'm with you on the period thing. You know, I usually have panic attacks when I'm about to get my period, so maybe that's why you're so panicky too?

I had a friend to the exact same thing to me, and I freaked out hugely. In fact, our kids were best friends, and she didn't let her daughter play with my daughter anymore, either! I was driven to distraction for a long time over it, until I finally had the nerve to casually bring it up to someone who knows her, and come to find out, she's done the same thing to everyone else - all her neighbors, all her relatives, everything. She literally had pretty much no friends. It was like a HUGE weight had been lifted off my shoulders! So, I totally feel for you, but I have to say, if she's the one not responding, then it's HER problem, not yours. Seriously.

Creative Kerfuffle said...

honestly if i didn't think it would be mentally worse i'd totally be ready for menopause. i'm not having any more kids, i don't need the period.
kristin--first one who gets out of the rut wins : )
astarte--the thing is i go between being simply amazed that she hasn't even tried to make up and pissed as hell.