Monday, May 14, 2007

Life lessons

I'm always fascinated to learn about other people's relationships. Today one of my friends told me she and her husband had their first fight this weekend. They're first fight in 8 years. WTF? How can you be married to someone or be with someone for 8 years and not fight? She said she doesn't like confrontation so when there is an issue she usually doesn't say anything. Her husband basically gets his way all the time. He makes major purchases without her input, makes all the major financial decisions without her input and I can't fathom any of that.

I find this odd. Very odd. I'm not saying it's healthy to fight all the time but I also don't think it's healthy not to fight. Not fighting means you don't care enough to express your opinions or don't feel comfortable enough with the other person to speak your mind. There has to be some lack of trust there if you can't express how you feel. Not rocking the boat doesn't mean everything is ok.

I also don't understand people who say if you love someone you don't get jealous. Yes, there are extremes, which also stem from lack of trust. But if there isn't even the hint of jealousy, even if in jest or not, there is a lack of caring. Complacency means you don't care enough to voice your opinions or concerns or love. I don't understand that.

This weekend, talking with the other moms at camp I learned about their relationships. One, who's on her third marriage, basically said she knows her husband cheats and she looks the other way. Another said even if she tries to make her husband jealous he doesn't react. Again, I don't understand this.

To me it's all about complacency. People who are so laid back that nothing bothers them, they don't argue, they don't express any displeasure, don't get jealous and don't fight means they don't really care enough either.

One mother this weekend really amazed me. She's probably in her late 40s or early 50s and has 5 daughters from 20 something to 10 years old. She's on her second marriage to a younger man and wants to have a child with him. Wow. Five kids and this late in life she wants another baby. I asked her why. She said her husband doesn't have children of his own and they want to share that experience. She said it makes all the difference in the world when you find your soul mate.

So, when I came home yesterday and the house was clean, The Boy was in one piece, dinner had been planned and The Hubs was happy to see me I realized that I really do have it better than a lot of people--even if he hasn't gotten the hint that I don't really like necklaces and prefer silver to gold : )

I think most everyone is guilty at some point of taking their significant other for granted. After awhile you see the bad points more than the good points and you think everyone else has it better than you do. But if you listen to other people's situations you begin to realize that you really are lucky. Of course nobody is perfect and you're still going to argue, but in the big scheme of things the gold necklace doesn't matter it's the fact that one person knows you, knows the real you and fits with you like no other. It really is about soul mates.


Anonymous said...

The more I talk to other people and hear their stories, the more blessed I feel, for the most part. My life certainly isn't perfect, but I have it pretty good, when I consider some of the things my friends have been through, and are going through still.

I think part of the reason I'm still single is that I won't let someone make all the decisions for me. I can't even imagine that. It makes my skin crawl. I am fully aware of my control issues, thank you very much. :)


Anon said...

TS---i think when you find the person that fits you he won't make all the decisions for you. i'm so guilty of looking at other people's relationships and balking at them but i guess different things work for different people, i just don't understand them all.